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Nov. 29th, 2004 01:24 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
the-paco.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
techrecoveryYou can usually tell how bad my day is by the size of the red spot on my forehead. This comes not from a bursting blood vessel, but my own desk.
Me: "Thank you for calling dsl tech support, my name is Paco (yes, I actually say that), how may I help you?"
C: "Hi, I've got a real problem, I get knocked offline everytime I do this *click*"
Me: "Sir?"
*dialtone*
Not so bad.
Me: "What version of windows do you have?"
C: "Dell."
*THUD*
c: "What was that?"
Me: "Oh, nothing. Just dropped my headset."
Me: "Ok, this phone cable that connects the modem to the wall, does it go directly to the wall, or does it go through a filter?"
C: "It goes through a filter."
Me: "Just making sure, the MODEMS phone line connects to a FILTER. Trace it back for me to make sure that's the right phone cable."
C: "I know how this is hooked up, I did it myself. Don't talk down to me."
Me: "Ok then, the MODEM should not be connected to a filter, so if you're SURE that's the modem, unplug it. Be sure NOT to unplug the phone you're talking-"*CLICK*"-... sir?"
*THUD*
Me: "Ok, let's open up windows."
C: "I can't do that, it's snowing outside."
*THUD*
C: "Why do I have to plug this box into the phone line?! I told you, I ordered WIRELESS DSL!"
*THUD*
Me: "Right click on my computer. Choose properties."
C: "I don't see properties, I have C:, D:, Control Panel..."
*THUD*
Me: "No no, you left clicked on it. Close that window and right click."
C: "I know how to click! And when I click I see this stuff again!"
*THUD*
Me: "No no, click with the right mouse button, the one on the right."
C: "I am clicking on the right one! It's the one I always use."
Me: "*THUD* No. The button on the right of the mouse!"
C: "Right... of the mouse?"
Me: "The *THUD* one *THUD* under *THUD* your *THUD* middle *THUD* finger. *THUD*"
C: "OOOOOooooOH! *Laughs* Boy I feel dumb!"
Me: Not half as dumb as you should. "Ok, click on properties."
C: "It says 'place shortcut here.' How long am I supposed to hold it for?"
Me: *Not on phone* "Christ, you people are retards! I can't believe I help you idiots set up WIRELESS routers! I give your entire neighborhoods FREE internet access! You complain about the spam, adware, spyware, and virii, and wonder why it's so prevalent?! TAKE A LOOK IN THE MIRROR YOU WORTHLESS *$#%$@! IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU THAT MY ENTIRE INTERNET IS INNUNDATED WITH THIS COMPLETE AND TOTAL HORSE@*@#! GOD ALMIGHTY LET ME JUST KILL YOU ALL BEFORE I COMMIT SEPPUKU WITH A SPORK FOR HELPING AOL REJECTS CONTINUE TO KEEP BONZAI BUDDY ALIVE!! *beep* (Sound of phone picking up for a customer.) Thank you for calling DSL technical support, my name is Paco, how can I help you today?"
My coworkers think I'm trying to do nasty things to myself in my little half-cube.
Me: "Thank you for calling dsl tech support, my name is Paco (yes, I actually say that), how may I help you?"
C: "Hi, I've got a real problem, I get knocked offline everytime I do this *click*"
Me: "Sir?"
*dialtone*
Not so bad.
Me: "What version of windows do you have?"
C: "Dell."
*THUD*
c: "What was that?"
Me: "Oh, nothing. Just dropped my headset."
Me: "Ok, this phone cable that connects the modem to the wall, does it go directly to the wall, or does it go through a filter?"
C: "It goes through a filter."
Me: "Just making sure, the MODEMS phone line connects to a FILTER. Trace it back for me to make sure that's the right phone cable."
C: "I know how this is hooked up, I did it myself. Don't talk down to me."
Me: "Ok then, the MODEM should not be connected to a filter, so if you're SURE that's the modem, unplug it. Be sure NOT to unplug the phone you're talking-"*CLICK*"-... sir?"
*THUD*
Me: "Ok, let's open up windows."
C: "I can't do that, it's snowing outside."
*THUD*
C: "Why do I have to plug this box into the phone line?! I told you, I ordered WIRELESS DSL!"
*THUD*
Me: "Right click on my computer. Choose properties."
C: "I don't see properties, I have C:, D:, Control Panel..."
*THUD*
Me: "No no, you left clicked on it. Close that window and right click."
C: "I know how to click! And when I click I see this stuff again!"
*THUD*
Me: "No no, click with the right mouse button, the one on the right."
C: "I am clicking on the right one! It's the one I always use."
Me: "*THUD* No. The button on the right of the mouse!"
C: "Right... of the mouse?"
Me: "The *THUD* one *THUD* under *THUD* your *THUD* middle *THUD* finger. *THUD*"
C: "OOOOOooooOH! *Laughs* Boy I feel dumb!"
Me: Not half as dumb as you should. "Ok, click on properties."
C: "It says 'place shortcut here.' How long am I supposed to hold it for?"
Me: *Not on phone* "Christ, you people are retards! I can't believe I help you idiots set up WIRELESS routers! I give your entire neighborhoods FREE internet access! You complain about the spam, adware, spyware, and virii, and wonder why it's so prevalent?! TAKE A LOOK IN THE MIRROR YOU WORTHLESS *$#%$@! IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU THAT MY ENTIRE INTERNET IS INNUNDATED WITH THIS COMPLETE AND TOTAL HORSE@*@#! GOD ALMIGHTY LET ME JUST KILL YOU ALL BEFORE I COMMIT SEPPUKU WITH A SPORK FOR HELPING AOL REJECTS CONTINUE TO KEEP BONZAI BUDDY ALIVE!! *beep* (Sound of phone picking up for a customer.) Thank you for calling DSL technical support, my name is Paco, how can I help you today?"
My coworkers think I'm trying to do nasty things to myself in my little half-cube.
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