techrecovery | Future Darwin Award Winner- I Hope (Reply)

I had a caller that blew my mind tonight....
We'll call him Dumbass...

dumbass: Why isn't my DSL working yet? I ordered it 6 weeks ago...
me: Let me look...What is the phone # it is supposed to be on?
dumbass: 2#56#4#5#4... it's my cell phone.
me: [not sure i heard that right] ummmm... your cell phone?
dumbass: yes
me: okay... What is your HOME phone #?
dumbass: That IS my home phone... all i have is a cell, i don't have a land line.
me: You don't have regular telephone service at all?
dumbass: no, but i have all the wiring and jacks and stuff...
me: [sigh] you are going to have to get regular phone service for us to get the phone company to turn on DSL...
dumbass: no- you don't understand... i have all the stuff, i just don't have a dial tone, because i don't need it...
me: [beginning to bounce forehead off of keyboard]
me: sir, DSL is an additional service... it requires a working phone line...
dumbass: I don't understand.
me: Would it make sense for you to call the phone company and ask them to add Call Waiting, or Caller ID to a line that doesn't exist?
dumbass: Of course not!
me: [praying that he gets it] this is kind of like that....
dumbass: Oh.. Okay... Are you sure?
me: [choking down the rage] YES!
dumbass: Alright then... I guess i will call and cancel the DSL tomorrow.
dumbass: Could you help me set up my computer for Dial-up, then?
me: Do you have the connector and the driver software to connect your PC to your cell phone?
dumbass: No- i have the modem plugged into the wall jack.
me: (CLICK)

Then i climbed under my desk and wept...