But it's Christmas

[thewrabbit.livejournal.com]

Dear Users

I understand that you're winding down for the holidays so you're maybe not as busy as usual. However in IT this quiet time for you means that we can get on and do things that would normally result in whining from you. So we're busy.

We're also shutting down over the festive break, so we're double checking everything before we head off into the winter wilderness so that we don't end up getting disturbed while we're off.

So we're busy.

That means that calls that contain any of the following will be treated with the scorn they deserve:

Home PC problems (even if it's 'just a quick question')
Home internet problems (ditto)
Home wireless problems (double ditto)
Loss of festive MP3s (what?)
Setup of new techno toys (including but not limited to computers, iPods, mobile phones, sat navs)
All of the above, but applying to your second-cousin-twice-removed-who's-just-flown-in's PC/laptop/defibrillator.

We're making a list, we're checking it twice. We know who's naughty, we know who's nice. And we have long memories. Santa ain't got nothing on us.

Bah Humbug!

PS if you come bearing gifts (especially alcohol) I may make an exception.

Definitions of insanity

[mouser.livejournal.com]

So, I get a call....

Me: Heroic and wonderful
Her: Not so much a damsel in distress

Me: $COMPANY, this is mouser how can I help you?
Her: My computer is telling me funny things!
Me: ...
Her: ...
(Fine, it's going to be a "fishing" expedition...)
Me: What exactly is it saying?
(Why do I BOTHER to ask for "exactly" anyway? None of them EVER read the messages...)
Her: Something about spyware...
Me: Okay, I'm going to remote into your computer now and take a look. Please don't touch anything while I check the problem.
(remote in - observe the mouse moving around)
Me: Please flip the mouse over on it's back.
(Oddly, this amuses most of my users and they do it.)
Me: Okay, I see you've caught something. Your computer is mine for the next few hours while I clean it.
Her: But all my work is on this one!
(checks - no actual files, and every one of the machines have the same software.)
Me: You'll have to use a different computer while I fix this.
(Beats it with a stick until I (1) get the cleaners installed (2) runs them for two hours cleaning up the crap.)
Me: Okay it should be fine now. Call IMMEDIATELY if there are any problems!
Her: KayThanxsBye *click*
(I didn't disconnect the session immediately.)
Her: (clicks open the internet, goes right to a dodgey site, reinstalls the spyware)

Yes, while I watch and faster then I can stop her.


Yes, I'm going to get drunk and play miniature golf with my girlfriend.