What...the...Hell?!

[phrogg.livejournal.com]

This...who......wait, what?

No, sir, i don't think your phone is possessed by malicious spirits... No, no, i don't think it's crossing over into parallel dimensions, either. Yes, i HAVE seen that episode of ST:TNG, actually. That's why we call these things science-fiction, not science-fact.
Yes, i understand that it's a pretty bizarre problem. But our techs are aware of it already (it's not just YOU), and are going to have it resolved shortly. Go ahead and plug your phones back in, they won't fly off the receiver and attack you, as much as i might enjoy seeing that happen.

(no subject)

[ihateemo.livejournal.com]

Dear customer,

VPN and FTP are two entirely different things.

I am not interested in conversing with you about third party software we don't support.

Yes, I have used CuteFTP. Thanks for asking.

Cheers,

-Rob

Ranter's Digest

[greatblondino.livejournal.com]

Ok, long time reader, first time poster. Most of the time I have nowt to do at work but sit around playing Warcraft and reading Fark, but today is one of those days.

( Read all about it )

Manglement misconception

[grayhawkfh.livejournal.com]

That by instituting a "Zero Tolerance" Policy regarding incorrectly done HellDesk Tickets, you will not encourage the few good Helldesk Techs to leave for better paying, lower stress jobs.

Oh yes. They did. On Thursday last. Two of the three decent techs have handed in their notice since then.

(x-posted to my LJ and TSC.)

I so need this off my chest.

[blkrabbitofinle.livejournal.com]

God.

You know, of all the idiotic things I have to deal with (and god, this one client would make you weep) there's this one little thing that just annoys the fuck out of me.

You know I'm coming to work on your computer. You know that I'm not just coming over and charging you $160 an hour to admire your gorgeous collection of various random stupid fucking knick-knacks that every spends-most-of-their-time-at-one-desk office worker accumulates like lint for some reason. God, some of the stupid things I see on people's desks could be a post in itself. Now I think about it, I'm going to start carrying a pocket notebook and writing down all the really stupid stuff I see. Anyway.

You know I'm coming over to work on your computer, and you know full well that I am doing some sort of work that may very well involve rebooting your computer. You know this because I explain in detail what I will be doing before I do it, and because I know that you are all honestly smart and capable people the majority of time, and because you are a small company that I have been supporting for four years and you have learned what the various things I do involve. Past that, you have learned - some of you on your own, you clever clever things, some of you from being warned in advance repeatedly by me and occasionally having lost important work because you didn't listen (but I honestly do this very rarely and only as a genuine mistake) - that it is a general good rule of thumb to close everything down at the very least if you know I am coming to work on something. Some of you are even so well trained that as soon as I approach to do the work, you start shutting down your windows and sometimes do so so fast you've already closed everything by the time I'm able to say, "No no, that's fine, this will just take ten seconds.".

But some of you. You leave your computer sitting there, with you logged in, and with ten open and half-written emails and twenty Word documents/Excel spreadsheets/Powerpoint timewasters in a similar state while you have swanned off into the corporate ether for the next three hours.

Really now. At least the emails I can do a fairly quick 'Save as Draft' click-fest through but I have to go save your Office documents manually because you have a bunch of template stuff on your network drives that I don't want to overwrite. I have to give them some reasonably obvious name (the date or something) then I have to write you a cheery little note to let you know where they are.

It just gets a bit tiresome after a while, that's all. But I'll grant, some of your confidential documents that I have no choice but to glance over in the process can be interesting.

The rules of email tennis

[emsporter.livejournal.com]

Ingredients
One user
One IT support geek
One email system
One Potion of BullHeadedness

Method
User sends email to Service Desk requesting change. Geek responds, explaining that this cannot be done under IT policy (see also: no), but alternatives A, B, and C are available instead.

User retorts with email, finely rewording their original request. Geek politely responds, reiterating IT policy (see also: no), and provides alternatives A, B, and C again, as per the previous email.

User consumes Potion of BullHeadedness. User retorts, again, with another rewording of their original request. User clearly believes that IT have not understood them, and are taking pains to make their request clear.

Geek responds, again. Geek has double and triple checked with the administrators responsible for this policy (in a careful measure ensuring that none of the vast acreage of available backside is exposed); Geek thus knows well that the answer is No, No, No, No, and NO. Geek endeavours to make this painfully clear in the response. Geek also provides alternatives A, B, and C, provides option D for good measure, and closes with an invitation to discuss the policy further with the administrators.

User retorts with a demand to see a paper copy of this policy.

Geek politely explains that, if user has any questions, they may discuss them with the administrators, as made clear in the previous email.

User requests that a ticket be raised in the call logging system, so that they may obtain a copy of the precious policy.

Geek responds with a finely crafted volley; Geek leaves desk, visits with the administrators, and watches them enact a phone call wherein they deliver an authoritative “no!”

User retreats from the field in high dudgeon.

Geek wins.

(no subject)

[fuego.livejournal.com]

So in the last couple of weeks, this guy has called at least three times a week, always within 5-10 minutes after 8pm. He always seems to be surprised to find we're closed and asks for our business hours. I give him the hours each time, making sure to specify that the times are eastern time- On several occasions, I've said "that means 6am-6pm mountain time, sir." (obviously, he's in the mountime time zone.)

I got hime again tonight, opened his service request and asked if he had something to write with so I could give him the number...

Fuego: Okay, I have your new service request number here...do you have something to write with?

Guy on Phone: Uh...my hand? *pause* Oh, you mean a pen? Hold on a minute."

And there was much head-desking and face-palming...