The email I want to send so very, very very badly!!!!

[ex-deliveryboy.livejournal.com]

Dear Valued Customer,

Thank you for your inquiry. I can certainly appreciate that you believe that your recent challenges should receive top priority. The 5 different email messages you sent at exactly the same time certainly would attest to your concern. I can also understand how you believe you should be compensated because you haven't received your daily email from your Online Dating Service.

While there was unusually high server load due to the amount of spam that is being sent across our mail servers, your email is arriving and infecting your inbox. Since you have chosen to turn off any and all form of spam blocking on the server, please do not be surprised when your system crashes due to infectious email and/or you are denied access to the Internet because your system has been turned into a Spam Whore Machine.

And in response to your original concern, which is not receiving mail from your online dating service, we no longer give a fuck. Your email address is working and is receiving spam quite nicely. The problem lies in the fact that your a 60-ish year old a misogynistic bastard who belongs on the box of a Mrs. Paul's Fish sticks box and no woman in her right mind would want to be near you. We are not refunding you; we are not giving you our "top priority". Please contact your Online Dating Service and cancel your subscription, for you are just wasting your money. Also, please feel free to cancel your subscription with us, as we have a betting pool going on how long it takes you to finally get sick of it.

Thank you for your continued patience. If you need any further assistance, please feel free to piss up a rope.

Scott McDee
Assistant Supervisor
Your $13.99 a month ISP Support