yes... yes... the printer has feelings...

[khrysta.livejournal.com]

Ever have those calls that are more amusing than irritating?

This lady left a message on my phonemail and it went exactly like this

"There's something wrong with my little printer. I wish I knew what was wrong with it. It seems to be trying to feed but then it makes these snapping sounds... and I think that scares it because then it stops. So I'll turn it off and it forgets that it was having a problem and will try to feed again, but the same thing! It gets scared and stops trying. So if you could come down and take a look at it to help it out, I'd be so thankful."

I'm listening to this laughing my ass off because I can see the adorable woman standing in front of the printer saying "Aw... it's okay! You can do it!"

GRRRR

[jadedusoliel.livejournal.com]

There is nothing I love more than thinking for people.

Customer: "It's asking me if this is my first computer. Should I say yes?"

Me: "Well is this your first computer?"

Customer: "Yes it is."

Me: "Then go ahead and hit yes." *headdesk*

Asshats Galore

[eikichi-onizuka.livejournal.com]

This community is quite possibly the best thing ever created.

I work at a small ISP/computer store/we do a bit of everything in northern Mississippi. We have dialup, DSL, ISDN, T1, and higher forms of Internet available.

I am just about the sole point of support for nearly twenty-five hundred (2500) users.

Yeah.

Anyway, apparently the holiday today has pushed a multitude of asshats out of the woodwork. One, however, just pushed me over the edge.

It was 3 PM this afternoon. I'd already dealt with everything from callers assuming they could use DSL with their modems *off* to someone repeatedly calling for a hair salon, despite the fact that our greeting, as well as my personal greeting, identifies us as a computer store, to the fact that our receptionist spends more time smoking, talking, and drinking coffee away from her desk than actually doing her job.

Anyway, I hear my office manager talking on the phone while I'm finishing up some password reset. This is what I hear:

"Sir. I can tell you.....sir. Sir, please listen to me. Sir, you have....sir, please......HOLD, PLEASE!"

My intercom rings. I pick it up and I hear "Please talk to the sonofabitch on line two. He called me by mistake." I pick up and I am greeted with a HUMONGOUS burst of static, which settles into a nice ear-splitting staticy roar. I can barely hear the customer.

Me: *name of company*, Eikichi speaking, how may I help you?
Asshat (screaming): I HAVE BEEN DISCONNECTED NINE TIMES IN THE PAST TWO HOURS. WHAT THE FUCK IS Y'ALLS PROBLEM?!
Me: Sir, I must ask you to refrain from using profanity. Have you noticed the large amount of static on your line?
Asshat: YEAH, BUT IT DON'T SOUND LIKE A GODDAMNED LOT OF IT! I WANT THIS SHIT FIXED!
Me: Again, sir, I must ask you to stop the profanity. I can hear an extreme amount of static on the line. This is probably what is causing your connection issues. Are you on a cordless phone?
Asshat: NO!
Me: Okay, sir, then I am going to suggest we get the static cleared up before we proceed. Would you like the repair number to the local telephone company?
Asshat: NO, I WANT YOU TO FIX MY FUCKING PROBLEM! IF SERVICE DOESN'T IMPROVE, I'M GOING TO DISCONNECT AND GO...

It is at this point that I have had enough for the day, after working a fourteen hour day the day before, and dealing with the aforementioned asshats. I snap.

Me: You know WHAT, sir? You're absolutely right! The static on your phone line is OUR fault, and our fault entirely! Unfortunately, I left my magic telco wand at home today, and I can't clear it up! In fact, I'll send you a disconnection authorization form right now, and you can go on over to another ISP, where you can GLADLY pay for technical support! LET ME GET THAT QUEUED UP FOR YOU! PLEASE HOLD!

I pass the call to my coworker, who has been listening in, understands what's been happening, and I stand up, and storm out the back with the words "That's IT. I've had ENOUGH abuse for today. I will be back in TWENTY MINUTES, and if anybody from here pages me on my cell, I will NOT answer and I will NOT come back. This is ri-goddamn-diculous."

No arguments from the entire office. In fact, our vice president accompanied me, and we went down to the local bar and grill and had a pint of Guinness to calm down. He's cool, and he thanked me for my endless patience and the fact that he probably wouldn't have been able to even tolerate the guy.

Went back to the office half an hour later and felt much better.