Can you transfer the database $ales to a SpreadSheet by EOD?

[preserver3.livejournal.com]

Yes, I can, but there's no computer on the network that can open a 90 GB XLS or 23.4GB CSV

It's a database, we have a DBAdmin, there's nothing you can do in Excel they can't do in SQL better.

Check that, there's nothing you can do that I can't do better with notepad, sqsh and vi.

Figure out what you want to do, write a query, or write an email asking a Developer other than a senior developer working on a deadline on something important to write it for you.

Update: "Select * from * where *=*" is not a valid sql query on our system.

Comments

[brotherflounder]

How much stuff did they put into this Excel notebook to make it 90GB?!

[preserver3.livejournal.com]

We have a database, that if we were to export it to an XLS would be 90 GB or so (estimate based on the size of the database and the divisions between aggregate tables, views and source tables that would be exported in the same process, for example, one table alone is 8 million rows of accounts), that contains all of the sales information. This person does not know how to run SQL queries or use a query assistant to pull data, so they wanted all of the sales data on a spreadsheet so they could slice and dice it--ie, I "can" make it into that file, but that is mind bogglingly wrong and fail.

In addition, their resume says they're a SQL expert who's designed 4th normal databases and worked for a major data warehouser in New York yet they sent an email asking why select * from * where *=* wouldn't work.

[kathygnome.livejournal.com]

After you transfer that DB to an excel file can you put it on a floppy for them?

[awarrenfells.livejournal.com]

>SELECT * FROM users WHERE clue > 0
0 rows returned.


hehehehe

[http://users.livejournal.com/hub_/]

720KB or 1.4MB?

[kathygnome.livejournal.com]

"I don't speak computer talk"

[cjkline83.livejournal.com]

I changed my mind. Zip disk please.

[http://users.livejournal.com/hub_/]

Sorry I only have SyQuest 44

[major-error.livejournal.com]

I was thinking 8" floppy to really mess with their heads.

[n5red.livejournal.com]

Single sided, single density. 128KB

[wxgeek.livejournal.com]

Actually I was thinking one of the round floppies, like the one you put in the DVD player?

[preserver3.livejournal.com]

I can put it on less than a mile of UNISERVO if you'd like to wait, if I do dual I can get 14,400 characters an inch!

[preserver3.livejournal.com]

That should have been per yard.

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

"Dear HR, I believe there may have been some incorrect information submitted to you by an employee..."

[samldanach.livejournal.com]

Dammit, I was going to use that line!

Um, they do know that Excel has a row limit, yes? I don't think even 2007 will handle that much data. (It comes up a lot for me, as users try to use Excel as an ETL tool.)

My favorite was getting asked to export the sales database into an Outlook contact list by EOD.

[egearman.livejournal.com]

Ahhh... the VERY polite way of stating the comment I decided not to leave. Heh...

[jecook]

... I'm not sure anyone *makes* a computer that would handle a 43 GB csv file.

An excel would choke on it regardless of version.

[cs-neo.livejournal.com]

XP/2003 has 2^16 rows and 2^8 columns actually ;)

[kingogre.livejournal.com]

When I was working at DHL... we had regular people who tried to import CSV files approximately that large into DHL's shipping software...

Was lots and LOTS of fail...

[jecook]

That's... a *lot* of packages. like an entire train's worth.

[trixtah.livejournal.com]

Hahhhhh, we got a request to "export" an Oracle flight tracking database into Access. Ok, sure, how do you get 4TB into 2GB again?

Meh, I see everyone is recommending floppies for that kind of process. We'll just run Zip over it, no worries.

[samldanach.livejournal.com]

And if it's still too big, just zip the zip file. That will make it really small, right?

[preserver3.livejournal.com]

"I've heard that if you zip it, then tar it then, winrar it, then zip it again it will make it much, much smaller"

[benatwork.livejournal.com]

That's not unheard of. I used to work for a tiny wholesale company. So tiny, I was the shipping department, IT department, half the stock management, and guy who unclogged the toilets. We would still routinely fill UPS trucks at least one day out of the week. I can imagine a decent-sized mail-order place would do quite a bit more.

Shoot, just imagine what an Amazon hub's daily dispatch must look like. o.o

[sethb.livejournal.com]

I bet nobody in the interview asked them to explain the 5 normal forms, and why go as far as 4th (3rd is reasonable).

[sethb.livejournal.com]

It should be punched paper tape anyway.

[sethb.livejournal.com]

A train is a mile or several long, which is a lot of trucks. UPS trucks are small trucks.

[kerberos.livejournal.com]

EOD in my lingo is Explosive Ordnance Disposal.

Which offcourse would be a fun way to extract data.
However bitsorting chunks of hardware might not be the most efficient way to do it.

*GRIN*

[preserver3.livejournal.com]

EOD: End of Day -Translation, I think I shouldn't have to ask for this.
COB: Close of Business -Translation, you don't get to go home until it's done.
ASAP: As soon as possible -Translation, not only your bonus is dependent on this, but also your salary.
URGENT: I want this now -Translation, I am a tool and know I have no power over you so I apply words that sound like I need to go and pee so you'll take pity on me.
ToTL: Top of the Task List -Translation, I am a sales tool, and I think that even though this company lives and breathes because of the tech you create, I can dictate my view of the world on you and influence the task lists you embrace.
IMMEDIATELY: I want it so bad -Translation, I think I'm your boss, even when I can get fired for trying to give you a task.
This Affects Production: This affects clients -Translation, this affects my ability to watch porn, and has nothing to do with customers.
This Affects Internal Operations: This affects internal employees -Translation, this affects me, and my ability to watch porn on company time.
I think this is broken: I think this is broken -Translation, I broke it and want you to fix it.

[rfairney.livejournal.com]

Zip it, Rar it, Tar it, then cover it in feathers.