orthorte - I has it!

[taleya.livejournal.com]

Dear Email Cunstomers:

Please to be stopping with the smoking of the bowls of crack before contacting tech support. Howling hysterically that your site is down and claiming I can only see it because I'm on the server doesn't quite wash when a) I'm working from home and RDPing into the work database b) Jtunnel loads it fine and c) the entire IRC chan I just loosed your domain name on can see it. And claiming your emails all disappeared from webmail likewise fails when I can see 130 of the bastards sitting in there.


Dear Livechat Customer:

Well done. You managed to spell "Authority" without an A. Or an U. or a Y. Or even an I. While I am rather flattered that you felt the need to "take you totly orthorte" there is fucking NOTHING I CAN DO FOR YOU UNTIL YOU GET OFF YOUR FAT FUCKING ARSE AND GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR DOMAIN NAME REGISTRAR TO MODIFY YOUR NAME SERVERS.

I'd count you for simply poor english sklills and attempt to explain again, but I've wasted six hours across three days with this bullshit, and you only seem to conveniently lose your english skills when I tell you something you don't want to hear. Well shit in one hand and want in the other my friend, 'cos unless we suddenly go crazy with the corporate takeover, I cannot force another company to piss about with their A records on your behalf. Especially if you won't fill out the damn authority forms so we can BECOME your registrar and make the whole damned thing moot, but insist on whining how your registrar won't talk to you.

Keep this shit up and your hosting company won't talk to you either.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I feel like I'm being skullfucked by a retarded sloth. Beer. NOW.

Comments

[gilmoure.livejournal.com]

Need 500cc's of whiskey, STAT!

[cs-neo.livejournal.com]

Wow, that's an SCA dose of whiskey...I think the goal is to avoid alcohol poisoning ;)

[wxgeek.livejournal.com]

There's some interesting irony in the phrase "fucking arse".

Maybe it's 'cause I'm American.

[museology.livejournal.com]

Daaaamn. It's no wonder I'm painstakingly nice whenever I'm forced to contact my hosting company (like, when I didn't get an invoice yet and my bill was due the next day.)

[taleya.livejournal.com]

I'm usually of near-infinite patience when dealing with customers, but this guy...jesus. Day after day the same shit bleating on and on for hours. His hosting is fine, his domain name isn't pointing to our servers. His domain name is with another company , which he needs to contact to get to either switch to our name servers, or change his A record. He knows this, and yet every. single. fucking. day. he comes back and bleats all over again about the same shit because "Their company won't talk to meeeee"

....our problem how? We tried offering him a transfer of registrar authority, but nope, he wants to sit there and bleat over and over in increasingly fucked up English. It's maddening!

[falnfenix]

...ohmygoodgod. i'm laughing so hard i'm coughing over here.

[museology.livejournal.com]

Geezus. I had a friend who:

- Bought a domain name (let's call it "suchandsuch.com")
- Got free hosting for said domain name from GoDaddy
- Set up hosting for ANOTHER domain name (let's call it "suchandsuchgallery.com")
- Spent 4 days bitching to tech support that nothing was WORKINGGGGG
- Came crying to me, and I had her set up and ready to go within 15 minutes. :\

[taleya.livejournal.com]

Sometimes, you just have to choke a bitch.

[gilmoure.livejournal.com]

Isn't 500 cc a fifth of whiskey?

[cs-neo.livejournal.com]

Nah, a fifth is actually 750 cc. 500 cc is 0.5 L or a little over a pint.

And I'm speaking of course that drinking that much, quickly, is a baaaaad idea. And a fifth in a night is pretty much a Pennsic dose of whiskey, isn't it? At least for the heavies :).

[cjkline83.livejournal.com]

Skullfucked by a sloth is now my new favorite catch phrase.

[gilmoure.livejournal.com]

I know that one Pensic, I was found outside of Meridies' gate, slowly spinning in circle. Apparently, I wasn't coherent but would follow simple commands. I don't really remember much about that Pensic.

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

[kerberos.livejournal.com]

"Dear Email Cunstomers:"

I read that as dear Email Cuntstompers:

yeah, time for me to start drinking too.

[taleya.livejournal.com]

ok, now I have seriously twisted variation on Crimestoppers (http://www.crimestoppers.com.au/) wafting through my head. I may even make a twisted icon of it :D

Bless you, sweet sweet alcamahol...

[lihan161051.livejournal.com]

"Talking to us because we're masochistic enough to listen won't help you if the company you really need to be talking to won't talk to you.."

I run into this all the time .. "They won't help me, so I'm calling you." "But your problem is with THEIR product, the ones we support are working fine. Here .. (1-2 hours of rock solid proof that our products are working perfectly) .. see? Now call the people who can actually FIX this for you."

I actually had someone threaten to return the product we had just gotten working perfectly because his machine with a third-party OS needed one last change that he couldn't be arsed to navigate on his own to fix. And bitch at me about how all $employer's products suck (note, again, those were all working perfectly), etc. etc. Wanted to slap him through a wall ..

[hisamishness.livejournal.com]

I actually had good luck calling one company to help with another company's fuckup once.

Of course, it was a really odd one... A domain registered via Hostway -- wrong Auth code in their system so I couldn't get it moved to a provider who would actually give you a support # to call. (they tell you that if you rated phone support, you'd already have their #)

It turns out they were a reseller of a 'real' company's services, and if the real company's support was bored and compassionate, they could be convinced to help.