Dear Customer

[awarrenfells.livejournal.com]

Dear Customer,

    Please learn to use your internet browser before calling tech support on how to log into your account.
Also, please learn to use your computer before asking us to troubleshoot your connection.
If you can't find your start button, then I can't help you.

    DIAF.

P.S. - Please get a clue before getting your next computer.

Comments

[mouser.livejournal.com]

I have those users too.

We all do.

Have a beer.

[mariasama16.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad that my one user who couldn't find his start menu gave up 10 minutes into the call (and even more grateful that he's on an account I no longer support). I cheated though, I had him hit the windows key to bring up the start menu :P

[canray.livejournal.com]

Why? Why be nice?

Why do we even care any longer? They don't!

*Sighs* OK, been in the business too long, obviously...

[vortex.livejournal.com]

Ooooo...I had an executive like that when I worked for BellSouth's Corp HQ!

She was apparently good at what she did job wise, otherwise I don't see how she could have been hired in an IT company without any Computer skillz.

She was a very nice older woman, so I didn't mind helping her out everyday...

[mariasama16.livejournal.com]

I have to be nice, my job demands it (quality monitoring you know). Of course, since I'm just on the phone, my tone of voice could be relaying something entirely different from my posture/facial expression. I believe on that phone call, I had my hand on my desk and was gently pounding my forehead on it.

[awarrenfells.livejournal.com]

Yes, I have had a number of *head desk* moments.

I mean, I know we all have them... but why, how.. for the love of God, do you expect me to walk you through a TCP/IP reset in your command prompt if you can't even find the start button!

[Oh, and they couldn't find the windows key either. Full of win :P ]

[mariasama16.livejournal.com]

Oh, I guess I'm lucky. IIRC, in this instance, I was just trying to walk someone through the self password reset tool for a particular program. He was initially having a hard time even getting to his browser homepage (couldn't find the house icon, couldn't find the big blue e on desktop), so I was going to have him do start > run > iexplore.exe. It was very annoying that I couldn't actually do the password reset for him (we used to, company wanted everyone to use the self-reset tool... which wasn't very user friendly for the majority of the users, the office workers had no problems.

Bah, better stop now before I get into a whole rant about that company's policymakers forgetting that the majority of their users worked in factories and barely touched computers.

[4ti3k4t35.livejournal.com]

I was startled the first time I got someone who didn't know the difference between left and right-clicking.

Now I have a standard line for explaining that right-clicking is special and that when I want customer to right-click I will say "Right-click" and that left-clicking is the normal click and then when I want customer to left-click I will say "Click".

And then there's the people who argue with you over the fact that since they're using a laptop they don't have a mouse.

[awarrenfells.livejournal.com]

Its almost as if the idea of a rocker switch is beyond them.

But, if they can't comprehend the start button, then what else can I expect :P

[emerald-embers.livejournal.com]

*major, major sympathetic hugs*

I've had that experience with the start button before, although I do believe my record for "Ow, ow my brain" had to be the customer who could not work out how to close internet explorer. Ten minutes. Ten minutes that went from fairly normal -

"Okay, can you close Internet Explorer for me please?"

to

"The page you can see. Can you close that?"
"Can you close the page?"
"Can you exit the page?"
"Can you click on the X in the corner of the screen?"
"The top right corner of the screen."
"... your computer has a top right corner. There will be a box on the screen, could you please click on the X in the top right corner?"
"... okay, lets try something different. Can you click anywhere in this box. Anywhere. Please - please, could you click anywhere in this box. Now press the 'alt' button on your keyboard, it's next to the space bar. The... the long, thin button on your keyboard. Thank you. Now can you press the letter F on your keyboard. ... It's next to... yes, okay, you've found that, now can you press C."
"Nothing's happening? Okay, had you clicked on the scree- okay, you would need to..."

Thank GOD we're only legally allowed to be on the phone for 20 minutes because it's a premium rate line. Every reading from the modem we could get from our end was fine so I managed to finally say "Okay, it's going to be a problem with your computer, I'd get someone more familiar with computers to have a look at it or you can call our computer helpline on ____".

Yeah, that one hurt. :)

[awarrenfells.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know how that one feels to.

I have also had one where the old woman called in because her mouse cursor was frozen on her screen.

...

Well, not feeling like dealing with a computer issue that really has nothing to do with her computer service, I simply told her to just to a hard shut down [as she couldn't move her mouse].

"How do I do that?

"Ma'am, do you see the power button on the front of your computer?"

"You mean the screen?"

"No ma'am, the big box that would be sitting on your desk, or on the floor..."

"I... I don't know what you mean."

....

It took me 10 minutes to help her find the computer, becuause she didn't even know what a computer was.

Whisky-Tango-Foxtrot.