(no subject)

[taleya.livejournal.com]

Multiple exclamation marks and question marks should be instant grounds for ticket closure without action, or termination of livechat sessions.

Yay or nay?

Comments

[synthclarion.livejournal.com]

What??????? That's totally unreasonable!!!!!!!!!!!!

[wxgeek.livejournal.com]

?!!!!!!!!

[usekh.livejournal.com]

Fuck yeah!!!!!

[drquuxum.livejournal.com]

YEAHYEAHOMG!!!1!!eleventyone!!

[tmesser.livejournal.com]

BUT OMGZZZ HELP PPL R DYING CUZ ITS BORKEN!!!!!!11

[ianhess.livejournal.com]

As long as your support software only runs on machines with the electro-shock enabled keyboards, I don't think thats necessary.

"I'm sorry sir, I won't be able to continue to help you until you put both hands back on the contacts, located on either side of your keyboard."

[ravan.livejournal.com]

Yay!!!!

Some folks ***can't*** write without... excessive... punctuation!!! Why????????

(sarcasm deliberate)

[major-error.livejournal.com]

have some fun with them first. Run responses through a lolcats-filter, then a leet-speak filter.

end with RTFM and close ticket.

[alstaria.livejournal.com]

Bucketloads of yes.

[phyphor.livejournal.com]

But what about the interrobang‽

[taleya.livejournal.com]

"Hi, can you tell me why my email isn't working???"


"BECAUSE GOD HATES YOU AND YOUR EXCESSIVE PUNCTUATION"

[ladynisa.livejournal.com]

AMGLIEKTOATLY!!!!!!!!!!!!


;)

[antikythera.livejournal.com]

Well, a lot of us already do that for support tickets where the users swear at us. :)

[bitterfun.livejournal.com]

would you rather them not put any punctuation because that would be just as bad i mean the sentences would completely run on that there would be no end to the insanity just word after word of incesant whining and bitching a never ending sentence of fail but maybe you'd be okay with that i find that many people in America only identify with the extremes anyhow

[fallconsmate.livejournal.com]

o.O

*giggling at the mental image of the swedish chef typing out a fix-it ticket*

is BORKEN. BORK-BORK-BORK!!

[gholam.livejournal.com]

Not when they originate from your boss...

[linguafranca.livejournal.com]

Yay, along with calling the person helping you "YOU PEOPLE"

[bpcslave.livejournal.com]

Warning on the first offence, if used once in the conversion etc. If used again, or multiple times at once initially in the conversation / email then immediate termination with the message "You are no longer welcome here, nuisance."

Anyone who uses more than three in a given sentence or who has more sentences with multiple marks than not in a given paragraph to be immediately cut off and any further correspondence forwarded to Ayembo Smith (he of the Brothers of Christ in Nigeria where a close relative recently died, leaving TEN MILLION DOLLARS US), personal effects stolen from their desks, heights and settings on their office chair and monitor constantly tampered with when their desk is left, phone sabotaged with sellotape and/or glue as applicable, screensaver changed to "I FAIL AT LIFE" and random paperwork important to their daily job to be extracted, screwed up, set on fire, mixed with water and salt and fed to the dogs.

And then blow up the dogs.

[taleya.livejournal.com]

Actually, I don't mind that as much. Unless I'm seriously tired. It just shows they're morons, and I already knew that, so it's not a problem. (text speak on the other hand should be grounds for keelhauling)

Excessive punctuation always reminds me of some dipshit blonde outrageously accented valley girl, hyperactive and overexcited, much like one of those small yappy dogs. And when I get it from a female customer, I just want to beat them viciously screaming "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY GENDER"

[taleya.livejournal.com]

We used to do that on internal tickets. Translate whole swathes into Swedish Chef.

They were actually glad when we did that, it meant we stopped singing the song at them for hours.

BORK BORK BORK

[taleya.livejournal.com]

Oh god, you've turned into Shatner

[taleya.livejournal.com]

I prefer mincing the user into something reminicent of a fine tartar and then having them turned out into a dog bowl. Always a favourite.

[fallconsmate.livejournal.com]

that is absolutely wonderful!!

sometimes you have to do something crazy to be a sanity saver, verily and forsooth.

even if it does mean wearing cheetah-patterned kittycat ears in public for no reason whatsoever. ;)

[azurelunatic]

Yes.

[azurelunatic]

At least a penalty of 15 minutes extra delay for the first excessive punctuation mark, and an hour's delay for subsequent abuse.

"I'm very sorry for the delay, sir, but excessive punctuation causes difficulty in our ticketing system."

[the-reda.livejournal.com]

Song?
Link Links!

[jecook]

Oh bog, I'm doing that on my next internal ticket.

(I frequently generate tickets in order for me to log work time on stuff. sometimes it's pointless work, but it's work nontheless.)

[taleya.livejournal.com]

http://swedishchefsong.ytmnd.com/

Now imagine hearing the sung part coming from two sleep-deprived hyper-caffeinated crazed redheads over and over

For 9. Hours.

[taleya.livejournal.com]

*wince* You poor bastard.

I love my boss. He asked me once why IIS had crashed on a server over MSN. My gleeful reply was "BECAUSE OUR SERVERS ARE POO!"

:D

[redqueenmeg.livejournal.com]

Absolutely, and I think the same should go for poor grammar and spelling.

I can dream, can't I?

[zendequervain.livejournal.com]

I was going to say that.

The interrobang is my favorite punctuation. I got in trouble in high school for using it in assignments.

INTERROBANG?!

[bard-mercutio.livejournal.com]

Also caps lock and flagrant abuse of the English language.

YOU CAN NOES HAS HELP ME!?:????

[kirolee.livejournal.com]

I just realized that Shatner's name is a form of the past tense word "shit" As in Shat. *giggles insanely*

[kirolee.livejournal.com]

I so read sellotape as "Spellotape" of Harry Potter fame.

[taleya.livejournal.com]

And yet, he delights in the nickname "The Shat" There's even The Fellowship of the Shat (http://www.ussvictoria.co.uk/fullofshat/)

....Words fail.


(That said, if you've never seen it.... http://khaaan.com/ :D)

[ateji.livejournal.com]

I vote Yea.

I'm also the kind who plays online games with other human-esque creatures and upon receiving an all-caps whisper of "HOW DO YOU DO IT" will happily, snarkily respond, "Do what? Turn off my capslock?"

Trufax and all. :P