techrecovery | Microsoft buys Xmas

First post, frustrated techsupporter from Melbourne, Australia. Now I know it's an oldie, but I thought it humourous.

Microsoft acquires Christmas
NORTH POLE (API) - MICROSOFT announced an agreement with Santa Claus Industries to acquire Christmas at a press conference held via satellite from Santa's summer estate somewhere in the southern hemisphere. In the deal, Microsoft would gain exclusive rights to Christmas, Reindeer, and other unspecified inventions. In addition, Microsoft will gain access to millions of households through the Santa Sleigh.

The announcement also included a notice that beginning Dec 9, 2003, Christmas and the Reindeer names would be copyrighted by Microsoft. This unprecedented move was facilitated by the recently acquired MS Court. Microsoft stated its commitment to "all who have made Christmas great," and vowed to "make licensing of the Christmas and Reindeer names available to all." It is believed that the guidelines for licensing these names, due before Halloween, will be very strict.

When asked "Why buy Christmas?" Bill Gates replied "Microsoft has been working on a more efficient delivery mechanism for all of our products for some time, but recognized that the Santa Sleigh has some immediate benefits. We'll use it first for the next release of Windows and Office 2003."

In a multimedia extravaganza, the attendees were shown a seemingly endless video stream of products that make up the deal. It ended with a green and red version of the Microsoft logo, and a new Christmas 2003 trademark, leading into the announcement of the first product from the deal.

Vixen, the new Director of Holidays and Celebrations said, "The first step is to assimilate Christmas within the Microsoft Organization. This will take some time, so don't expect any changes this year." She continued, "our big plans are for next year, when we release Christmas 2004. It will be bigger and better than last year." She further elaborated that "Windows users who sign up with MS Network will get sneak previews of Christmas[2004] as early as November first."

Christmas 2003 is scheduled for release in December of 2003, though one unnamed source said that it is dangerously close to the end of the year and may slip into the first half of 2004. An economist at Goldman Sachs explained that a slip would be catastrophic to next year's economy and the nation's tax revenue, possibly requiring the IRS to move the deadline for filing income tax returns to three months after Christmas, whenever that was. "But it could be good in the long term," he explained. "With Microsoft controlling Christmas, we may see it move to May or June, which are much slower months for retailers. This may serve to even out the economy over the year."

When asked if other holidays are being considered, Mr. Gates explained that "Christmas is the flagship of holidays, so we wanted to start there. Not all holidays are available for sale, and the remaining will have to show a good long-term business," suggesting that holidays with a short history may not be in the plans.

Though specific terms of the agreement were withheld, a Santa official confirmed that the deal was "sizeable, even for a man of Santa's stature." Some analysts think that Santa has saturated the Holiday market, and is looking for a means to expand his business to year 'round products and services. Others contend that the Jolly Red Man is looking to retire in Redmond.

A spokesperson for the most famous Reindeer could not be reached for comment.

So that got me thinking onto the second part: MS's release schedule:

I can imagine a hurried, not-quite-bug-tested RTM release of Christmas 2003 last thing December 23rd, 2003:
- Christmas 2003

Then there's an official service re-release of Christmas 2003 about April-May 2004, that will render it incompatible with the original version:
- Christmas 2003 SR-1

Then an immediate update, because it broke things when it was first installed:
- Christmas 2003 SR-1a

Then another immediate update for the update, because it broke things when it was re-installed again:
- Christmas 2003 SR-1b

And don't forget the (much-delayed) service pack:
- Christmas 2003 SR-1b + SP2

With the hurried update for the service pack days later:
- Christmas 2003 SR-1b + SP2a

And the final 'security roll-up packages' for all those miscellaneous fixes afterwards a month or two later:
- Christmas 2003 SR-1b + SP2a + SRP1

By this time, Thanksgiving 2004 (US only) has arrived, so there's a Feature Release pack for it to add (small offering for the delays):
- Christmas 2003 SR-1b + SP2a + SRP1 + FR1

And for those outside the US some days later, a Feature Release that contains prettier code and does nothing constructive is added instead:
- Christmas 2003 SR-1b + SP2a + SRP1 + FR1.1

Oh, and the cumulative patches for the months afterwards:
- Christmas 2003 SR-1b + SP2a + SRP1 + FR1.1 + "cumulative patch, November 2004"

And don't forget the forced 64-bit upgrade patch for Windows Server 2003 64-bit Edition (as described in Knowledge Base #890099):
- Christmas 2003 SR-1b + SP2a + SRP1 + FR1.1 + "cumulative patch, November 2004" + KB890099

By this stage, all that work has delayed Christmas 2004 into January 2005, so a 2004 update is released to tie users over:
- Christmas 2003 SR-1b + SP2a + SRP1 + FR1.1 + "cumulative patch, November 2004" + KB890099 + Y2k4.fix

But that update miscalculated the 2004 calendar by carrying the 1, so a fix for the fix is released:
- Christmas 2003 SR-1b + SP2a + SRP1 + FR1.1 + "cumulative patch, November 2004" + KB890099 + Y2k4.fix2

And MS will only allow registered users of Christmas 2003 to apply the fix for 2004, so an activation code is needed:
- Christmas 2003 SR-1b + SP2a + SRP1 + FR1.1 + "cumulative patch, November 2004" + KB890099 + Y2k4.fix2 + reg.activ.code

Which someone would have already cracked:
- Christmas 2003 SR-1b + SP2a + SRP1 + FR1.1 + "cumulative patch, November 2004" + KB890099 + Y2k4.fix2 + reg.activ.code-h4X0r!

MS officially abandons Christmas 2004 and codes Christmas 2005 as a successor, so one final service pack is released in February 2005:
- Christmas 2003 SP3

Which no one downloads, because days afterwards, it corrupts the base install; MS officially abandons/retracts it two weeks later.