Good times...

[azzy23.livejournal.com]

Having read some of today's posts, I was reminded of a fun little experience at my first support job (I was 17). There's profanity, so I'll put it behind a cut.

I used to support STB Systems Inc video cards, back in like... 1994, when they were the bomb. We had 6 people doing support for the entire US, so it got busy sometimes. We were a very small company too, so no fancy gadgets like call recording. Oh... and also, this is Windows 3.x :)

Dude calls in. His story:

I installed your piece of shit video card, and now I've lost ALL MY DATA!! (300MB hard drive *squee*). Dude claims he's written a book, and lost it. He's pissed, he's cussing a lot, he's suing, blah blah blah.

Me: Sir, did you add this exclusion to your config.sys file?
Him: Huh?
Me: Sir, you have to exclude the full range for video memory. If you don't, something else might load there (like a disk utility), and when our card starts using that space, it causes you to lose that.
Him: *incoherent screaming* Why the fuck didn't you warn me?!?!!
Me: Sir, it's in the installation guide.
Him: No it isn't!
Me: Yes. Yes, sir, it definitely is.
Him: No it fucking isn't!!
Me: Do you have your manual sir?
Him: Yes! IT'S RIGHT HERE.
Me: Can you turn to page 1 and read me the bold print?
Him: *starts to read, realizes what it is, begins cussing me out.*
Me: Sir, This is your warning. I will not be spoken to in this manner, and if you continue, I will have to disconnect the call.
Him: *Continues cussing*
Me: Thanks for calling. *click*

He calls back a 2nd time, gets me.
Him: I just talked to someone there, and they hung up on me.
Me: Yes sir, I hung up on you because you were screaming into the phone and cussing.
Him: *starts screaming and cussing*
Me: *delivers same warning*
Him: I've boxed up your damned product and I'm taking it back!
Me: Then why are you calling sir? If you're not using the product, I can't give you support on said product.
Him: I want monetary compensation for the data I lost!
Me: We can't do that sir.
Him: YES YOU FUCKING CAN! YOU WILL!!
Me: *refers to EULA*
Him: *cussing*
Me: Thank you for calling. *click*

He calls back a 3rd time.
Me: *greeting*
Him: I just talked to some stupid cunt there, and that dumb bitch hung up on me.
Me: Sir. I am that stupid cunt, and I am the dumb bitch who hung up on you. And at this point, I feel I can quite happily say:

GO FUCK YOURSELF. *click*

I go into not ready, walked over to my boss, Howard.

Me: Howard, I've just told a customer to go fuck himself.
Howard: WHAT?!?!

I explained the situation. As I'm finishing, another tech comes over and says this guy is on the phone, and claiming I cussed him out. He transfers him to Howard, who puts him on speaker phone. This guy is all calm and bewildered. That mean lady said... oh gosh, I can't even repeat what she said!

Howard: I can. She said to go fuck yourself. And now I'm saying to go fuck yourself.
Him: WHAT?!?!!? How dare you people talk to me like this!!
Howard: You called my top tech a "stupid cunt" and a "dumb bitch."
Him: I most certainly did NOT!
Howard: Really? Shall I play back the call recording?
Him: What?!
Howard: We record our calls. Would you like to hear?
Him: *click*

:)

Comments

[crazdgamer.livejournal.com]

Howard with a nice bluff. Awesome.

The call itself, not so much, but the resolution? Lovely.

[samwize.livejournal.com]

HAH! Talk about satisfying. Well done.

[loosechanj.livejournal.com]

Oh... and also, this is Windows 3.x :)

What, they didn't have Windows Vista back then?!?

[jecook]

I'll bet Howard plays a mean bluff at poker, too. :)

[geekgrrl-ca.livejournal.com]

Back when tech support was about techsupport and not about being touchy feely and trying to make sales. , I miss those days.

[naggy.livejournal.com]

Only way to make it better:
"She said to go fuck yourself. And now I'm saying to go fuck yourself. If you want, I can escalate this to the level three Go Fuck Yourself tech."