(no subject)

[whitefootwolf.livejournal.com]

So here's a question. It's not really tech supporty, except in the fact that I work tech support. :D

Was in a long distance long term relationship with my ex-bf. At some point, we had that discussion about getting married and who moves to where who is and the v. silly discussion of whose job was better. At some point in the discussion, he asid something along the lines of "well, it doesn't really matter because you'll just be quitting in few years anyway to have our kids." (Background on that v. silly comment is that I don't want kids. Although, i'm open to changing my mind, the feeling has persisted for a good 4 years and is only getting stronger. I'm a grumpy onld woman and I'm only 23! DAMN KIDS GET OFF MY YARD.)

It really struck me as a 'one day, you'll grow out of wanting to play career woman and go bck to raising babies as God intended.'

Anyway, that can be pretty easily written off as a one-off thing, except that someone else I work with recently expressed a similar opinion when talking about our futures at our current company.

This feeling seems to be more prevalent than I thought...has anyone else run into it recently?

Comments

[matgb]

Sometimes, you get that sort of attitude, but it's horribly dated to my mind; sounds like that relationship ended for a good reason anyway.

Planning to have kids with my current g/f, also currently long term, but there's no way I'd expect her to give up work, for starters she'd go nuts, but she's also already got a 4 year old and a perfectly good job.

Cultural differences, but in the UK that sort of attitude expressed within a workplace would count as discrimination.

[superbus.livejournal.com]

I don't think it's prevalent in the tech community any more than it is in our backwards, God-fearing society.

If anything, my experiences with women in tech support are refreshing. Maybe having every run of the ladder above my own in the chain of command being occupied by a tech-savvy woman helps.

[mouser.livejournal.com]

In the last year where I work with non-tech folk, we've had two women go from "non/no more" to "Well, now that I *am* preggers I want one!"

[jahbulon.livejournal.com]

How is it discrimination?

[matgb]

An expectation within a firm that women will leave to have kids is treated as a de facto denial of opportunity to them, it's expected of employers to ensure women are given equal access to everything and that cultural expecatations are not built up.

If you don't believe you can get a promotion because everyone expects you to leave soon, you might not even bother applying or working towards it, so it's treated as a bad thing.

[hangar.livejournal.com]

I don't think it's prevalent in the tech community any more than it is in our backwards, God-fearing society.

Unless the tech support is based in an extremely backwards, god-fearing town.. like mine. I live five miles from a town called "Cut N Shoot" - and Google it, I WISH I was kidding.

[kyidyl.livejournal.com]

Well...that doesn't mean they ALL will. Some do. Or, they adapt when they have an accident. *shrugs* But it's stupid to assume a woman will want to change her mind.

[gotica.livejournal.com]

Australia is backwards.. or at least Perth.

"You can't be a girl in IT, you must be the secretary or something, get one of the guys to help me."

I get that type of response fairly often and I've noticed it comes from the women more often than not.

[jahbulon.livejournal.com]

"that sort of attitude expressed within a workplace would count as discrimination"

So you meant "that sort of attitude expressed within a workplace by a figure of authority, or implied through policy, would count as discrimination"

[taleya.livejournal.com]

From an authority figure: Discrimination

From a co-worker: A sound beating.

[loosechanj.livejournal.com]

I was chatting online with a friend once, and she complained someone had just asked her if her father was around. I thought it was pretty lame until I actually talked to her on the phone, and god damn if she didn't sound like she was 12.

[jahbulon.livejournal.com]

Nah, live and let live. Some women would disagree with you and agree that women should leave the workplace to raise a child. That's an opinion as valid as any other. The problem comes when people insist that others follow their beliefs.

[taleya.livejournal.com]

nope. Anyone who assumes that any job I've got is just temporary until I fall prey to my silly female urges and start shooting kids out like a pez dispenser gets a comms screwdriver right up the jacksie.

Thankfully I'm the only female NSR, and one of the best techs they've got, so I don't get that shit. They'd be screwed if i disappeared :D (Also: No one fucks with the crazy)

[falnfenix]

mmmm yeah, if anyone at work brought up my future with children and how it would affect my ability to work they'd be taken to HR. it's none of their business what may or may not happen.

if my significant other expected me to quit working to have babies, well, he'd have a rude awakening as well...i'm not planning on having anyone's children, and am seriously considering getting some form of sterilization procedure to ensure such a thing.

quite a few people out there have what i like to call "baby rabies," and assume everyone else around them will want kids just because they have them or want them.

[gotica.livejournal.com]

I guess I'm lucky, two of my friends (both girls) are both in IT in a higher that call centre monkey role.

The rest of my friends are blokes.... in IT.... I'd be doomed if I was going to change professions.

[gotica.livejournal.com]

heheh I've had some charmers, managed to cultivate a decent phone voice (have had colleagues laughing about the 1900 voice) and have had customers ask me out via customer service feedback that gets sent to the managers.

Those were lolers

[gotica.livejournal.com]

They're cute for like 30 mins, then the parentals can have em back.

Was going to have one just to keep the bloodline going but now I'm even rethinking that.

If you're a guy, don't ride a motorbike after the proceedure :P

[falnfenix]

i'm female...and unfortunately, i don't have a motorcycle (yet), but i doubt i'd want to drive my car afterward, either. the stiff suspension would KILL my entire abdominal cavity, methinks.

i agree, some are cute for a few, then i want to give them back.

i'm adopted, so i don't even *know* my bloodline...ergo, i couldn't care less about keeping it going. :)

[tecie.livejournal.com]

It's a lousy attitude for your BF to have -- if he seriously thinks that you'll throw away your career to pop out some rug rats for him and then raise them while he does "real manly work" then I would suggest you seriously reconsider your relationship. It sounds like a lack of respect for you and the work you do.
That said, many women can and do manage to balance having a career and kids. If you want to not have one or the other, then get rid of one -- but you CAN have both.

[metao.livejournal.com]

I suppose this is the techsupport community... and Id basically expect that from our luddite public. But then, Id basically expect it from almost every society, especially from older guys.


@OP... if you have kids, there are really only two people who can stay home and look after them (for the first year or so, until they are old enough for day care). And for that first year, what with breast feeding and whatnot, its far more difficult to have the dad do that. For sample data: of the last five babies to be born to mothers working here, four of them have or are returning after a year (3/4 have returned part-time only), and the fifth quit entirely. So, while perhaps your ex was overly flippant and rude and tactless about it - particularly if you had previously expressed the no-kids philosophy - his position was not entirely unsound. Obviously, though, its something that should be decided by each couple to suit their social and especially financial needs. To each their own.

[jill-idle.livejournal.com]

people change their mind. and there may be a physiological/hormonal drive that kicks in that may have you changing your mind once you hit a certain age. I've personally witnessed this happen enough times to know that a person should never say never. the bf should not have any expectation that you'll change your mind, but you should also not be certain you won't either.

the future is unwritten.

[gilmoure.livejournal.com]

Wife and I were looking at long term tech support jobs over in Europe, when, a few weeks after Y2K (really good party), found out we had a little one on the way (weird that daughter has 3 cousins all born within 2 weeks of her). That scrapped our plans of working overseas but wife only took 6 weeks off work here in states. She doesn't like any one else taking care of her servers!

[gremlingirl.livejournal.com]

killer icon.

[gracewanderer.livejournal.com]

Break up with him. Seriously. You don't want the same things.

[japester.livejournal.com]

sweet!
welcome to the hoards :)

Some of my closest friends have gone through the IT support path. They make some of the best trainers as well, unlike guys who generally have less patience with slow (or stupid) people.