The post about Jargon...

[liber-cogito.livejournal.com]

inspired this one.

I don't so much mind the folks that are completely unable to use technical terms. At least, not as much as I mind the ones who consistantly use technical terms incorrectly.

I've had {repeat} calls wherein the techs from the last 5 calls noted the issue as being unable to download files from the internet...only to find out after an hour, that the (l)user meant that the program wouldn't open.

So what are your {least} favorite misuses and misconceptions?
Some of mine are:
"My computer is slow starting up because I have dial up."
Turning off the monitor = turning off the computer.
Programs loading = downloading.

Comments

[graafen]

For me it's definately: Logging off = shutting down. That extends my calls a good couple of minutes. x_x

[bhall.livejournal.com]

My grandfather thinks the phone company is making his computer boot slowly in an attempt to force him to switch from his current ISP to use their services.

[liber-cogito.livejournal.com]

I had a user accuse me of making his dial up slow so that he'd have to switch to high speed. >.<

[liber-cogito.livejournal.com]

Oh gods, me too.

Okay, now go ahead and close $Program, please.
*windows logging off sound*
*mute*
FUCK!

[canray.livejournal.com]

Dial-Up needs no excuse to be slow. :-P

[talmun.livejournal.com]

My pet peeve as far as this goes is that we have several users (I support a large, international company) who will call and say that their 'server' is down when they actually mean they can't reach the internet. I have tried to explain the difference many times, even showed them that they can in fact reach local network drives and printers, just not websites but it never sinks in.

[gholam.livejournal.com]

"Virus infection" - turn computer on, smoke pours out of the motherboard.

[brutalentropy.livejournal.com]

can't believe nobody's said this one, 'cause I know it's common:

Hard drive free space = memory

As in "I downloaded a bunch of porn off of limewire and now I'm out of memory!"

[spooforbrains.livejournal.com]

Tower = CPU / Hard disk

Gah! No. The CPU and the hard disk are things that are INSIDE there. That thing there is the computer, the tower, the base unit, if you will (although that makes me think of a subwoofer).

[ghostdandp.livejournal.com]

Easy way around that.

Every time someone emails you that go and reboot the server (domain controller, file server, whatever suits your fancy). When someone asks why you did it say "$user told me that the server was down"

[ghostdandp.livejournal.com]

I have a user who pretends he knows a lot about computer.

I recently heard "Oh, it's a driver issue, you'll have to open up a ticket" coming from around the corner, being the good little doobie I was I went over and took a look....
Printer needed more paper.
Put paper in. Looked at $user as if to say "Are you really that stupid?" and walked back into my office.

[ghostdandp.livejournal.com]

"knows a lot about computer"

way too early.. need more caffeine. Blah

[soruk.livejournal.com]

I thought I was safe referring to it as the "box".

Only for someone to tell me they disposed of the box when they unpacked it. It took me a few moments to realise they were referring to the cardboard box...

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

Or just ask which out of the several thousand company servers they think is down, and how they came to the conclusion that it was that one particular server.

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

"You're going to bend the laws of physics or policy for me" = Anything other than disappointment.

I wonder if attitude has a jargon.

ObLOLcat: "I has a jargon"

[samwize.livejournal.com]

The one that ALWAYS makes me wince, and is common in the media and unwashed masses, is when people reffer to "Software Programs". GAH!

Yes, ok, fine, if you're trying to distinguish between firmware, blown in code, and biological wetware systems, I suppose you can get away with it. But really now.

[xforge.livejournal.com]

"System case" was what the teacher said when I was taking MCSE courses. I like the term.

[vortex.livejournal.com]

Well, since you mentioned it...how about "I can't download xxx file"...when clearly they are "Uploading" a file to a website or trying to e-mail a file to someone else...

[kyidyl.livejournal.com]

internet speed = computer speed.
computer/tower itself = modem.
opening an email attatchment = downloading it. ("I downloaded a thing and now it won't open"..."where'd you put it?"..."On my computer." *facepalm*)

I hate when people use really big words that no one actually uses to make themselves smart. Like calling a modem a modulator de-modulator. Or like the other day when this guy said "so then the secure tunnel is established" instead of just saying "the VPN connected". I'm the tech and _I_ don't use those terms...what makes you think YOU should?

[phrogg.livejournal.com]

I recently had to use a remote program to upgrade firmware on some of our equipment. It made me wince every time i had to click on the button mislabeled "download" in order to start the transfer.

[phrogg.livejournal.com]

I recently visited my in-laws, and they asked me to see if i could upgrade their computer to make it run faster. When i looked at their machine, programs loaded up fairly quickly. Then they said, "Well, yeah, it works fine there, but look... *opens internet explorer" ...it runs so slow on this program...can't you upgrade the RAM or something to make it load faster??"

[hangar.livejournal.com]

My mother thought she had a virus because whenever she'd download something from a webpage, it wouldn't always download to the same folder.

[egearman.livejournal.com]

Hmmm... have to store that reference.

[egearman.livejournal.com]

I actually saw another programmer code a button that did the same thing to say 'Begin Firmware Transfer' because he was tired of the dumb questions.

[knirirr.livejournal.com]

Aaargh!
That one winds me up considerably.

[red-scully.livejournal.com]

My users are continually telling me they're locked out of their account, when actually they've left the machine on and gone home, so Windows is locked to their (or the last user's) account. I have lost track of the number of times I've gone through the reset password rigamarole before discovering this. Even if I say to them, "does it say 'this computer is in use and has been locked'?" they STILL say no. Ten minutes down the line, they notice this message for the first time, and wonder why I curtly tell them I'll have to log a call for someone to remote into the machine and unlock it for them. GGRR.

I also am involved in shipping machines to and from Scotland-based offices for config by our guys in London, and I get really irritated by people who say "the machine is ready for uplifting". I always want to ask them if they sang it a nice song or bought it a drink, lol.

[koryweb.livejournal.com]

Ugh. I don't know how many people I've had refer to their tower/case whatnot as the modem. This is especially frustrating if you're troubleshooting a Cable or DSL modem issue.

"Turn off the modem"
'Which one?'
"AAAAAAACK!"

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

That was my vote - "but I have a 100 gig hard drive that's half empty, what do you mean I need more memory?"

[catsidhe.livejournal.com]

It's always way too early somewhere in the world. Thus, the need for more caffeine is continual.

QED.

[geekgrrl-ca.livejournal.com]

don't you know, the tower is the modem.

ugh

[laptop-mechanic.livejournal.com]

Here's two of mine:

* "Umm, I just spilled $random_beverage on my computer. If I let it dry out, it'll be okay, right?

* ..and after I tell them it won't: "ZOMG! My term paper is on it, I need it RIGHT NOW" ... "Whats a backup?"

[r3700l3r.livejournal.com]

I have always hated it when people say I "downloaded" the $appplication instead of saying I "installed" the $application...

I'm also not a fan of inappropriate names for tech people in a business settings. I am the Network Administrator with co workers fine you can call me the computer guy I don't care, But during an important meetings I'm not the computer geek or techie or whatever. I don't mind that in personal setting but when doing business it's insulting. I wouldn't refer to a CFO as "chief bean counter"...

[reddalek.livejournal.com]

Ever seen it when someone mashes several computer terms/jargon together in an effort to explain their problem? I mean worse than misusing a word or phrase, I am talking about completely making no sense at all. Think total gibberish.

"my computer email won't upload the application into memory" or "the application won't download memory into the cpu". These are poor examples from what I have seen.

I recall one request by email that made no bloody sense at all. It was like they rammed as much computer related words in the sentence to try to explain their problem but came nowhere even close to. I had to actually go see the person to figure out what in the fuck they were trying to say. I wish I could find the email since it was truly a WTF moment.

[liber-cogito.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've gotten that. I actually had a user pseduo techno babble at me for a good 10 minutes before he took a breath and asked if he was making any sense.

My response?

Well... pieces of it are...but together? Not so much.

[reddalek.livejournal.com]

"I am not a computer person" or "I am a computer idiot" (which makes me want to say "Then why in the fuck are you even here for?")

firefox refered to as "foxfire"

brain box = computer

computer = monitor, keyboard, mouse combo together just not the actual computer itself.

General peeve:
Just because I have pulled some miracles before doesn't mean it can happen all the time. "But you can do anything" or "You can make it work" as the computer is totally fubar with smoke pouring out.

Um, no I cannot do $random-thing-that-no-way-can-be-done-legally,-done-morally-or-can-even-obey-natural-laws.

[reddalek.livejournal.com]

I have gotten to the point where when they ask "did that make any sense?" I reply:

"not a chance in hell"

or

"um, no" or "hell no" depending on my mood.

[ericthebee.livejournal.com]

Yup - I have a name, but the business owner for whom I'm installing his phone, calls out "Hey Phone Guy!" - so I have to answer "Yeah, Real Estate Guy?!?"

[k8eus.livejournal.com]

Ugh, the messing up of firefox really annoys me. Especially when someone confuses it with something entirely unrelated.

I showed my mother Firefly the other day (the TV series) and now it's: "Can you put firefox on for me?" "Firefly? Isn't that your internet?" *sigh*

[catmmo.livejournal.com]

Logoff = Shutdown

Asking people to close their applications and log off so that I can log in with admin rights and instead of just logging off they do a shut down...the laptops our sales people use take a good 3-5 minutes to boot back up so that's a huge pain.

What's funny about this topic though is going out to fix someone's system and it's something really easy, but throwing a bunch of jargon together for the customer so that they think you did something really amazing.