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techrecoverySo, I'm tech support for 'big dialup isp/content provider that people with broadband still use for the user friendly interface' Many, many of our techs are idiots. I am not. Many problems are our problems. This one, was not.
My habit: Dancing in and out of the bounds of support when it will piss an ISP off to do so.
Me: Thanking you for calling ... tech support, how may I assist you tonight?
User: I have broadband. I can get online, but it's really slow.
Me: Okay...(not seeing how this is our issue) I apologize for the inconvenience, Sir.
User: So I called 'ISP that sounds JUST like a certain name for the male genitalia, only plural' cable, and they said that the ... firewall your company provides is blocking them from pinging my modem. But it's only slow here when I'm using their service, and not at work. But anyway, they said that you could take the firewall off for me.
Me: Erm, okay. So, just to make sure I understand you correctly, the cable company says that the ... firewall is blocking them from pinging your modem?
User: Yeah.
Me: (Checking the account. Realizing user is a fellow new yorker, and thus I can throw the sweetness and light out the window and just get shit done.) Well Sir, to be totally candid with you...that doesn't make any sense.
User: I didn't think so either.
Me: Now, I'd certainly be happy to walk you though configuring or removing the firewall...or I can help you determine why the connection is so slow and send you back to the cable company armed with that information.
User: (laughing) I'd definitely prefer the latter.
So, I have him tracert xxx.net 7 hops. And you betcha, everyone that ended with xxx.net was hitting 90ms and above.
I spent the next ten minutes explaining what a traceroute was, what it told us, and how tcp/ip worked. After professing his love, (anything for a fellow new yorker) he hung up to call back the cable company. I'm fairly certain that when he starts talking about tracert times to the host and the fact that tcp/ip is tcp/ip regardless of who supplies it (they told him the reason that the connection worked fine at work (cable supplied by someone else) and not at his home, was because of settings on his computer), what ever 'tech' he gets will pee himself and find someone that might actually not give the poor guy a bullshit resolution.
It made me smile.
And then I got one of those calls from some idiot woman who wanted to connect using broadband, because the wireless router was in her laptop, you see... I had to explain to HER in very tiny words what an electrical socket was, and how no, really, the cable modem DOES use electricity. She ended up not having a router at all, not understanding why the wireless in her laptop didn't work... and the only reason she was trying to USE the laptop was because the 'big computer' hadn't been able to connect to the internet in a week.
I wondered if she would stick a fork into 'that little face on the wall that the cords go into' if I asked her to.
My habit: Dancing in and out of the bounds of support when it will piss an ISP off to do so.
Me: Thanking you for calling ... tech support, how may I assist you tonight?
User: I have broadband. I can get online, but it's really slow.
Me: Okay...(not seeing how this is our issue) I apologize for the inconvenience, Sir.
User: So I called 'ISP that sounds JUST like a certain name for the male genitalia, only plural' cable, and they said that the ... firewall your company provides is blocking them from pinging my modem. But it's only slow here when I'm using their service, and not at work. But anyway, they said that you could take the firewall off for me.
Me: Erm, okay. So, just to make sure I understand you correctly, the cable company says that the ... firewall is blocking them from pinging your modem?
User: Yeah.
Me: (Checking the account. Realizing user is a fellow new yorker, and thus I can throw the sweetness and light out the window and just get shit done.) Well Sir, to be totally candid with you...that doesn't make any sense.
User: I didn't think so either.
Me: Now, I'd certainly be happy to walk you though configuring or removing the firewall...or I can help you determine why the connection is so slow and send you back to the cable company armed with that information.
User: (laughing) I'd definitely prefer the latter.
So, I have him tracert xxx.net 7 hops. And you betcha, everyone that ended with xxx.net was hitting 90ms and above.
I spent the next ten minutes explaining what a traceroute was, what it told us, and how tcp/ip worked. After professing his love, (anything for a fellow new yorker) he hung up to call back the cable company. I'm fairly certain that when he starts talking about tracert times to the host and the fact that tcp/ip is tcp/ip regardless of who supplies it (they told him the reason that the connection worked fine at work (cable supplied by someone else) and not at his home, was because of settings on his computer), what ever 'tech' he gets will pee himself and find someone that might actually not give the poor guy a bullshit resolution.
It made me smile.
And then I got one of those calls from some idiot woman who wanted to connect using broadband, because the wireless router was in her laptop, you see... I had to explain to HER in very tiny words what an electrical socket was, and how no, really, the cable modem DOES use electricity. She ended up not having a router at all, not understanding why the wireless in her laptop didn't work... and the only reason she was trying to USE the laptop was because the 'big computer' hadn't been able to connect to the internet in a week.
I wondered if she would stick a fork into 'that little face on the wall that the cords go into' if I asked her to.
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no subject
Date: 2007-03-24 10:43 am (UTC)That's my favoritest thing in this biz, is when you realize you don't have to bullshit the guy or woman on the other end of the line. Or hand-hold, or kiss their ass, or any of the other 1000 things we usually have to do...
no subject
Date: 2007-03-24 11:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-24 02:11 pm (UTC)It's so refreshing.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-24 06:58 pm (UTC)I always love it when I can get the light to come on and get people to realize that TCP/IP itself is pretty basic, and if the pipe is there, most of the rest of what's happening is NOT in their computer or due to anything they themselves are doing wrong. (Especially certain POP servers that have a habit of throwing errors after the USER and PASS commands that certain mail clients interpret as rejected passwords. telnet pop.whatever.net 110 is a very handy command for getting them to see the actual error the server is throwing back which is usually "service unavailable" or something equally unrelated to their password.) And it's especially beautiful when the user realizes that everything they're having trouble with is connected with one specific domain, and is thus DEFINITELY not their problem. Or mine. :D
As for the lady with "that little face on the wall" .. yeah, she probably would. I'm basically ethical, otherwise I'd be tempted to try a little social engineering on folks like that ..
no subject
Date: 2007-03-25 02:23 pm (UTC)Never ask. Someone at one of my old jobs did, and he went to get a fork. :-S