Thank you, Captain Oblivious!

[phrogg.livejournal.com]

Background: I'm currently the only in-house tech for my office. There used to be two of us, but the other guy got removed from his tech slot and moved elsewhere in the company, for reasons that would be obvious once you realize that he's got a short temper and read the following. Since we're a pretty small office, we don't have any sort of work-order system, despite my pleas. Therefore, problems are typically brought to my attention by someone coming to my office and dragging me away from other problems.

User: Hey, can you help me out? The thing isn't working. (yes, that's actually what he said)
Me: Which thing are you talking about?
User: *being a bit snotty* Well, when i come to you saying it's not working, i'm either talking about this thing or that thing. *points at the computer, then at the printer*
Me: Naturally. Can you be specific?
User: *rolls eyes* I don't know, it's not doing what i want.
Me: (thinking: Of course not. If you're being as detailed with it as you're being with me, i wouldn't do it, either. Figure out what you want to tell me, THEN come and get me so i don't have to play guessing games with you) Speaking: O...kay...what's the problem?
User: Well, when i push the button, the lights come on, but nothing else happens.
(this jackass STILL hasn't told me what the problem device is)
Me: *lightbulb* Could you show me, please?
User: (mutters) fine... *pushes the power button on the computer, lights come on as they should*
Me: *reaches down, turns on the monitor, stuffs hands into pockets, and walks away*
User: *begins talking to nobody about how stupid he is...with me in full agreement*

Comments

[forge.livejournal.com]

at least he realizes it...

[lihan161051.livejournal.com]

I've found the best way to say "the thing" is kind of a mix between Goodfellas and The Sopranos with maybe a little bit of Analyze This rolled in ..

"The thing ain't workin'."

"Which 'thing', sir?"

"The .. Hey, Tony, you know, the thing, right?"

"Yeah, I took care of it."

"No, not that, the other thing .."

I almost always resort to that when people aren't specific enough. Sometimes it leaves them rolling on the floor (ok, I know way too many people who are easily amused), sometimes it just gets me in trouble. LOL

[xforge.livejournal.com]

I have similar issues as such:

"My login isn't working."
"Which login? Windows? Or something else?"
"Windows."
(checks) "Your Windows account isn't locked... what are you trying to access?"

10 minutes later, no joke, find out it's some other system... shave head, spraypaint self blue, move to Scotland, pretend to be a Pict...

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

I've often been tempted to extrapolate in a completely bizarre direction.

"The thing? You mean the ten-foot blue thing with the tongue? We just fixed that yesterday?"

"What?, no the thing!"

"The thing with the wombat and the edible underwear down on 34th and Main? Is that still playing up?"

(etc)

[jjjiii]

You have to tell people like that that the details of the ticket will be forwarded to their stupervisor. Be sure to include their lack of helpfulness and general rudeness as well as their utter incompetence and cluelessness. If there's any justice in the world, eventually you'll get better users out of it.

[lihan161051.livejournal.com]

Because in the user's mind, there's a "password" (which could be either the username or the password), and they never can remember it because it's always wrong. Which, in turn, is because they don't understand that their system login, POP account login, the password they have to type in to get into their bank account, and the password for their DSL PPPoE account are all completely different things. It's all one indecipherable and mysterious frustration to them ..

[wherdafux-d-cat.livejournal.com]

Love it!