(no subject)

[toxico.livejournal.com]

Dear Mr. Manager of $some_place:

You contacted us saying "This computer is getting porn pop-ups." Our policy is, in the event of any kind of nakkie pics being discovered on a machine, that it be immediately shut down, packed up and sent to us at corporate for inspection.

The fact that you don't know the policy does not entitle you to launch into a diatribe regarding the First Amendment and prefacing said monologue with a proclamation of your innocence. Especially Spock-eyebrow-inducing is the fact that it's used by everyone in the office and no one blamed you.

In conclusion, please do not waste half an hour of my time and yours by proceeding to pick apart the policy and ask the same question six different ways for every key point in an attempt to get me to divulge any further info. I will continue to tell you that I cannot point you to the locations of anything you are asking about; it isn't because I don't know no matter how much you insist that it is. Additionally, you get to stop asking useless questions to bait me into technical questions designed to cover one's Interweb browsing tracks. I will not recommend a free spyware remover at this time. I will not log on to the machine remotely and "clean it [my] damn self." I will not tell you the toenail polish colors of five women I know, the atomic weight of helium, or where to get a decent hoagie in downtown Seattle. In short, SHUT. UP. AND SEND. IN. THE MACHINE.

Comments

[gilmoure.livejournal.com]

*golf clap*

[jecook]

::awards you a 6 pack of tasty alcoholic beverage, 50 gold coins, and a 1-up::

I'm not *quite* sure what the smut policy here is, to be honest. Sure, I've been told about the internet filter, and the request to not abuse it too much, but I'm not sure what would happen if we had a virus outbreak or a spyware outbreak here.

[toxico.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know a lot of places are somewhat vague about such a policy; here, it's one of the first things you hear about (mainly because half the team is responsible for picking apart the drive for Blue's clues.

We apparently take our boobs seriously. Employees or body parts - you decide how you want to interpret that. :P

[omg-teh-funnay.livejournal.com]

God, I'd metaquote that, but I don't want The Masses trolling our fine community :)

I think that's my new email sig

[toxico.livejournal.com]

Oh come on. You miss __mindy and you know it.

[manuka.livejournal.com]

"I'm sorry, sir, we need to have the machine for analysis so we can determine what caused those pop-ups in order to prevent recurrence (and if that includes firing your sorry ass, so be it)"

[jecook]

::laughs::

[attackgypsy.livejournal.com]

I would have told him this.

"Corporate policy is to send the machine in. Now, your name is on this ticket. And we can be issued a subpoena for our help desk records. So if we get sued because of this, well, they're going to be looking for someone to blame. And it won't be me."

Yes, the company I work for gets sued all the time. We're a big cable company. And I've had tickets I've written up served with subpoenas before. So its the truth.

[ace-brickman.livejournal.com]

aaah memories!

[anamacha.livejournal.com]

*chortle*