monkey on a stick

[coraon.livejournal.com]

Coraon: Thank you for calling the hell desk my name is Coraon, how can I debase myself for your amusment today?

Monkey: Yes I'm from store "too-stupid-to-hook-up-a-scanner", whens my new scanner going to get here?

Coraon: I'm just looking now, there is no ETA in out system, I'll just check the venders website...

Monkey: Its just that we need this scanner now.

Coraon: Mam, I understand your need but this is christmas getting you scanner shipped under regular priority is going to take some time. Now I've located the problem, the scanner you wanted is on back order.

Moneky: Ok, so whats the ETA?

Coraon: None, its on BACK ORDER.

Moneky: Can't you make then get me one.

Coraon: The dont have one to get you.

Monkey: Ok whos there distributer then lets call them.

Coraon: I'm sorry we have a service contract with $company we are not allowed to try to go around them.

Monkey: But I need my scanner!

Coraon: Maam, as soon as the scanner becomes available we will let you know. Thank you.

Moneky: but -

Coraon: Thank you...

Moneky: goodbye

*head to desk*

Comments

[gilmoure.livejournal.com]

I love it when an EB runs up against the real world and gets it smeared all over their face.

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

Argh. I hate the whingey-whining callers try and use. "It's just that we need this now." Yeah, you and EVERY OTHER CALLER EVER.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I never realised you actually needed this item. I though you were just dicking us around when you originally called about it and spent three hours I'll never get back diagnosing a hardware fault. I'll immediately take your request out of the 'being delayed on purpose for absolutely no reason' pile and put in in the 'pull brand new units out of my ass right away' pile that we have."

If only there was some way for all the whiners to have to fight each other in a cage match for pole position in the queue.

"You want a priority bump? Then you'll have to face off against BIG JIM DUDLEY FROM SHIPPING!"

It'd be kind of cool what with all the butt-kissing "executive assistants" shredding each other into goo just so their boss gains one more place in the Fix-My-PDA queue.

Hmm, maybe something could be arranged... allow the whiners to have their own "special high priority" queue, and allow all of them to rearrange the priority of any job in the queue. Whenever their own job drops one or more places, they get auto-mailed with the information and the name of the person who dropped them. And the top job has to hold its own for at least 15 minutes during work hours before the techs will look at it.

And at any time they could drop out of the queue - back to the BOTTOM of the regular queue.

I think I'd call the queue "Vanities: The Carnage".

[louisville-mike.livejournal.com]

I once had a job that involved ordering parts from a manufacturer in Taiwan. I used to have this conversation almost monthly.

Boss: "What is the status of the circuit boards we are waiting on?"
Me: "They are on back order. Our supplier is waiting on his supplier to get raw materials to him."
Boss: Annoyed sigh "You have to put pressure on them. We need those boards."

They. Don't. Have. The. Raw. Materials.
They. Can't. Build. What. They. Don't. Have.