(no subject)

[grayhawkfh.livejournal.com]

Names changed to protect my job

The players:
Uncle Grayhawk (UG): The dashing, charismatic hero of our story.
Nitwit (NW): The braindead starfish who sullied the phone with their call.
Beanhead (BH): Absent user.
Gracious Manager (GM): Uncle Grayhawk's manager, an intelligent man who has served in the HellDesk trenches.

The scene:
Uncle Grayhawk's cubicle at {Federal Agency name redacted}

[phone rings]

UG: Good morning, and thank you for calling the **** helldesk. How may I debase myself to fulfill your every whim? (or words to that effect)

NW: Well, my name is NitWit, but I'm calling because I'm trying to log onto BeanHead's computer and I'm not able to. I have their username and password, but I can't log in.

UG: Let me make sure I understand correctly: You are asking me to help you log onto another user's computer as that user?

GM: [standing behind UG] [shakes head incredulously]

NW: That's correct. They gave me their password and I can't log in.

UG: I'm sorry, but I cannot assist you with this, as it is a violation of {Federal Agency}'s security policy.

NW: But BH has been away for a long time and I'm trying to set their computer up for when they come back.

UG: I understand, but, again, this is a violation of {Federal Agency}'s security policy. In fact, the very fact that BH gave you the password is a violation.

NW: So you're not going to help me.

UG: I am no permitted to assist with this.

NW: (snotty tone) Well, thank you Uncle Grayhawk. (click)

GM: Make sure you write this up. And email me the ticket number.

UG: Will do!

fin

I can't wait to see how this LART gets delivered. Especially since they're cracking down on security violations.

Comments

[linguafranca.livejournal.com]

Ooooh, keep us updated. I love tales of smackdowns properly delivered.

[thalionar.livejournal.com]

I do HellDesk for a company that manufactures durable medical goods. With HIPAA, they get all kinds of crazy about security stuff. They've recently started cracking down on this and people's heads are spinnning off.

"what do you mean you can't reset JoBob's network password for me? I'm his *maaaanageeeer*!"

Sorry, Charlie, I can't reset that password if you were the CEO himself.

[manuka.livejournal.com]

"I can reset it, but the only person that I can give the new password to is JoBob. I'll be sure to tell him you requested it."

[aylinn.livejournal.com]

GO YOU!

Speaking as someone at another gov't agency, I love being able to use the phrase "I'm sorry, that's technically a violation of the security policy."

Most of the folks round here hear the word "technically" and pick up on the implicit warning of "I'm letting you off the hook but keep asking and I have to report this" and back off.

If not, I get to go straight to the CSO. *happy smile* who then gets to get his "office spouse" the GOV'T CSO involved.

That's when I start popping the popcorn. ;) I pull out the comfy chair & sit back when the investigation team heads out.

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

Heh. I've sent a couple of those request tickets up to Security. But the funniest call was one where the guy wouldn't give up, so I told him the truth - that the only way to get what he wanted was to call extension XXXX and talk to Y, the head of team Z. But we weren't supposed to give out that number, etc etc. The caller said he was going to call that number right now, and rung off...

...before I could mention that Z was the acronym used by the security team.

Oopsie.

[gilmoure.livejournal.com]

Man, these calls are even better than the ones asking for iPod support (no personal electronic devices allowed at our gov't funded lab). The entire security thing just seems to be a game to the users...

[jecook]

Yes please, post a followup on it.

Here at Company C. A., we are allowed to have an employee's temporary password given to the manager, if they call in for a reset. Otherwise, I don't want to know what it is, I don't care what it is, because I can reset the password.

I'm surprised that we have not cracked down ourselves, actually. (The company I work for is wholly owned by a government, so technically I work for a seperate nation. Kinda cool, really.)

[fragbert.livejournal.com]

"Let me make sure I understand correctly: You are asking me to help you log onto another user's computer as that user?"

I know the precise and exact facial expression you wore when you said those words.

You know, that look that used to send me off into fits of giggles?

Yep, that's the one.

[bekscilla.livejournal.com]

Are you the whole helpdesk or is there others? When that happens, I tend to email around saying BH is currently on leave, NW is trying to reset his password - be careful if "BH" calls, as it may not be them

[liakela.livejournal.com]

UG: Good morning, and thank you for calling the **** helldesk. How may I debase myself to fulfill your every whim? (or words to that effect)

This will have me laughing all day. Thanks, man!