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techrecovery2011-09-19 03:22 pm
kiwiria.livejournal.com) wrote in techrecovery2011-09-19 03:22 pm
30 Tips from IT to the Kind Users
1. When we say we'll drop by, log off your PC and take a coffee break. It's no problem for us to gain access to and remember 1500 networks.
2. When you call and want your computer moved, make sure that it's covered under hundreds of postcards, baby photos, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and recipes. We don't have lives of our own and we are deeply touched when you let us get a glimpse of yours.
3. When we send out important emails and relate vital informations, feel free to delete them - immediately and without reading them. We're probably just checking the mailing lists.
4. When we eat lunch at our desk, feel free to interrupt us with your problems, and expect answers immediately. We're here to serve, and we're always ready to solve computer errors.
5. When we're taking a coffee break, having a cigarette or joining the talk at the water cooler, we're also available for technical questions. The real reason for these human activities are that we offer ourselves to people without email and phone.
6. Send all important emails with CAPITAL LETTERS. The mail-server recognizes these as important and deliver them EXPRESS to the recipient.
7. If the photocopier, fax machine or coffee machine doesn't work, call us. There's probably some sort of electronic system in it, which makes it an obvious case for us to solve.
8. If there's something wrong with your home PC, leave it on an empty chair, without name, without phone number, without error message. We love a really good mystery.
9. When we try to guide you through problems over phone, feel free to read the newspaper while we talk. We don't expect YOU to do anything. We're just talking to ourselves.
10. When we offer training in new systems, feel free to ignore them. We're still here, when you need personal training.
11. If the printer doesn't work, send the job at least 20 times. It's a known problem that print jobs disappear into the great kosmos without explanation.
12. If the printer still doesn't work after 20 jobs, send the job to every printer available. There's probably one of them that still works.
13. Avoid using Online help. It's only for complete idiots.
14. If you take IT-classes in your spare time, please update various drivers in your own and your apartment's computers. We're grateful for the chance to troubleshoot for hours after you've gone home.
15. When we help you during lunch, feel free to eat your lunch in front of us. We work best when we're slightly starved and weakened.
16. Never thank us for our assistence. We're fully satisfied with "That's what you're paid for!"
17. When we ask if you've installed any new programs on your computer, lie. It's none of our business what you have on your work PC.
18. If the cable to your mouse constantly knocks over the photo of your hamster, feel free to place the cable under the PC. Cables are made to withstand heavy weights and sharp edges.
19. If your spacebar doesn't work, it's probably due to an update. Keyboards work best when filled with cake crumbs and spilled coffee.
20. If a message asks "Are you sure?" click Enter immediately. Of course you are sure! Otherwise you wouldn't be doing anything!
21. Please tell us that you don't know anything about this "computershit". We love when the need you have for our professional abilities is described as "shit".
22. When you need to change the toner, please call us. Changing a toner is an incredibly complex technical task.
23. When something is wrong with your computer, get your secretary to call IT. Nothing is more exciting than talking to somebody, who doesn't know what the problem is.
24. If you receive a 30 MB movie, feel free to forward it to every other colleague. We have plenty of space on our mail servers.
25. Never consider splitting huge print jobs up into smaller jobs. It would be awful if somebody managed to slip in a small rush job.
26. When you meet one of us at the supermarket Saturday afternoon, you're more than welcome to ask questions. We work 24-7-365.
27. If your son studies IT, feel free to let him use your office PC for his projects. We're always happy to help when his pirated copy of Visual Basic 6.0 makes our SQL databases crash.
28. Remember that it is a huge help for us if you can tell us that last time you had this problem, "somebody just did something and then it worked." This information is the key to everything.
29. When you bring us your private PC so we can troubleshoot it, remember to tell us, how important it is, because your kids need it to play Doom 2. We'll take care of it immediately in our spare time, which is held at the office anyway. Everybody knows, we just spend all day surfing the internet.
30. Feel free to download and install programs from the Internet. If it doesn't work - or destroys your office PC completely - it was probably a useless machine anyway.
2. When you call and want your computer moved, make sure that it's covered under hundreds of postcards, baby photos, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and recipes. We don't have lives of our own and we are deeply touched when you let us get a glimpse of yours.
3. When we send out important emails and relate vital informations, feel free to delete them - immediately and without reading them. We're probably just checking the mailing lists.
4. When we eat lunch at our desk, feel free to interrupt us with your problems, and expect answers immediately. We're here to serve, and we're always ready to solve computer errors.
5. When we're taking a coffee break, having a cigarette or joining the talk at the water cooler, we're also available for technical questions. The real reason for these human activities are that we offer ourselves to people without email and phone.
6. Send all important emails with CAPITAL LETTERS. The mail-server recognizes these as important and deliver them EXPRESS to the recipient.
7. If the photocopier, fax machine or coffee machine doesn't work, call us. There's probably some sort of electronic system in it, which makes it an obvious case for us to solve.
8. If there's something wrong with your home PC, leave it on an empty chair, without name, without phone number, without error message. We love a really good mystery.
9. When we try to guide you through problems over phone, feel free to read the newspaper while we talk. We don't expect YOU to do anything. We're just talking to ourselves.
10. When we offer training in new systems, feel free to ignore them. We're still here, when you need personal training.
11. If the printer doesn't work, send the job at least 20 times. It's a known problem that print jobs disappear into the great kosmos without explanation.
12. If the printer still doesn't work after 20 jobs, send the job to every printer available. There's probably one of them that still works.
13. Avoid using Online help. It's only for complete idiots.
14. If you take IT-classes in your spare time, please update various drivers in your own and your apartment's computers. We're grateful for the chance to troubleshoot for hours after you've gone home.
15. When we help you during lunch, feel free to eat your lunch in front of us. We work best when we're slightly starved and weakened.
16. Never thank us for our assistence. We're fully satisfied with "That's what you're paid for!"
17. When we ask if you've installed any new programs on your computer, lie. It's none of our business what you have on your work PC.
18. If the cable to your mouse constantly knocks over the photo of your hamster, feel free to place the cable under the PC. Cables are made to withstand heavy weights and sharp edges.
19. If your spacebar doesn't work, it's probably due to an update. Keyboards work best when filled with cake crumbs and spilled coffee.
20. If a message asks "Are you sure?" click Enter immediately. Of course you are sure! Otherwise you wouldn't be doing anything!
21. Please tell us that you don't know anything about this "computershit". We love when the need you have for our professional abilities is described as "shit".
22. When you need to change the toner, please call us. Changing a toner is an incredibly complex technical task.
23. When something is wrong with your computer, get your secretary to call IT. Nothing is more exciting than talking to somebody, who doesn't know what the problem is.
24. If you receive a 30 MB movie, feel free to forward it to every other colleague. We have plenty of space on our mail servers.
25. Never consider splitting huge print jobs up into smaller jobs. It would be awful if somebody managed to slip in a small rush job.
26. When you meet one of us at the supermarket Saturday afternoon, you're more than welcome to ask questions. We work 24-7-365.
27. If your son studies IT, feel free to let him use your office PC for his projects. We're always happy to help when his pirated copy of Visual Basic 6.0 makes our SQL databases crash.
28. Remember that it is a huge help for us if you can tell us that last time you had this problem, "somebody just did something and then it worked." This information is the key to everything.
29. When you bring us your private PC so we can troubleshoot it, remember to tell us, how important it is, because your kids need it to play Doom 2. We'll take care of it immediately in our spare time, which is held at the office anyway. Everybody knows, we just spend all day surfing the internet.
30. Feel free to download and install programs from the Internet. If it doesn't work - or destroys your office PC completely - it was probably a useless machine anyway.