[identity profile] kerberos.livejournal.com
So, I work helping folks with email ,webhotells and domains.

Client comes in with a simple "can I get a password for account x?".

Sure thing says I, I randomgenerate one, drop it into email and off to the client it goes.

Client tries, tells me "Nope, fails"

I try it, works perfectly.
So I search through logs and see  "Oh silly client, you put a lowercase u instead of an uppercase U in there!"

So I take the password and paste it into a new email in outlook , I press enter and THEN I notice that helpfull outlook

t68BUeRw    to

with autocomplete.


No wonder my client is confused. 

So a big thank you Microsoft, thank you for wasting my time with a FUCKED up shit for brains autocomplete! 

Time to turn all spellcheck and shit off I suppose.

Can I start drinking now?
[identity profile] heinous_bitca.livejournal.com
A few weeks back now, I had a client call me in a desperate panic. (I do computer consulting on the side.) She was trying to scan a check to send to her bank and was having problems getting the scanner to work.

Why did she need to scan a check, you ask?

Because this relatively tech-and-RL-savvy 70-year-old woman fell victim to a cyberscam.

Yes, one of those "I'll send you a check for $N amount and you can keep half/quarter/three-quarters" scams. And the bank wanted to see a copy of the check.

I didn't have time to get into the whole "HOW DUMB ARE YOU THAT YOU FELL FOR THIS?" with her on the cell phone. She put her older son on the phone and I tried, while commuting home (husband was driving) to help him figure out why he could scan the check and not save it. I wasn't able to help, but promised if they would call me later, I would try and connect to her MacBookPro via my husband's MacBookPro and go through iChat to control her computer and figure out what they were missing with saving the scan.

I never actually heard back from them that day, or all weekend. A week later, I got an email from her saying that they had figured it out, and asking about another issue.

I don't know what I'm going to say to her once she needs me consulting her in person again. Part of me wants to ask her how she fell for this (I'm HOPING that it was a subtle scam, and not the ones I still get in my spam mailbox), part of me wants to grab her and shake her and say DID YOU EVEN TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND ABOUT THIS?, and part of me wants to just throw my hands up in the air and give up on her.

So if you ever think, "Why do they keep sending out these emails? Doesn't everyone know by now that they're scams?", now you can say you have heard of someone who fell for one, and fell recently. So yes, that's why we still get them. They still manage to hook in a few suckers.
[identity profile] red-scully.livejournal.com
Dear home worker,

If you ask me to do something, and I say I will call my colleague to get some information and then call you back, how about you try listening to what I just told you?  Responding with, "I have to email the Mayor of boring-city-in-North-England, how do you think I'll look if I send him a virus?  You just don't listen to me." will NOT endear me to you.  When I have to repeat, "I understand, ma'am, which is why I'm going to call my colleague and give you a ring back when I've got a solution," TWICE because you KEEP TALKING OVER ME, it doesn't make me want to help you.  It makes me want to kill you.  You should thank god that you're in Wolverhampton, because if you were in London I would be on your doorstep right now.

No love at all,

Very weary Helpdesk girl.
[identity profile] margaretc.livejournal.com
I need to start billing my web developer for asking me dumb questions.

him: developer
me: well...

him: is there a list of the server names on the wiki anywhere?
me: what do you need to know?
me: you can look at $monitoring
me: or I might be able to tell you
him: oh, I found it on other-wiki
me: that's news, do you want me to check it and see if it's complete?
(long pause)
him: no worries, I just forgot the name of the db server.
me: $dbserver
him: right.
me: (headdesk)

20 minutes later:

him: I can't get in to $dbserver.
me: from where? and what error are you getting?
him: from $webdev
him: $error
(I try it from there, works fine)
me: works for me, are you in your office?
(another pause)
him: oh, nevermind, it works now.
[identity profile] margaretc.livejournal.com
Our web developer, who tries to be funny and isn't, sent an email this morning with the subject line 'The website is down'. The content of the email was a single URL: http://thewebsiteisdown.blip.tv/#1021362.
Not funny.
My minion wants to send a reply saying simply "Website restored. Some content may be lost." He's a good minion :)


Sep. 12th, 2008 03:08 pm
[identity profile] margaretc.livejournal.com
Remember this from a few weeks ago?

The same professor is at it again. Now she wants to know why proposals that she's seen submitted in her yahoo group haven't been showing up on the website I made for her.

[identity profile] ptstech.livejournal.com
We issued our first new Crackberry a little over a month ago.
The results have been predictable.

We've had tickets submitted for everything from poor signal to bad juju, with the obvious (from the user's perspective, anyway) answer to "just send a new one!"

He answered every query with an answer that he thought would make me throw my hands up and say, "Okay, I'll send you a new one."  He gave up at the point where we were going to conference him in with an AT&T rep.

It's like they don't even try anymore...

(x-posted to TSC)
[identity profile] ptstech.livejournal.com
If, within the space of 72 hours, I have to:

    * Reassemble your vacationing cube neighbor's keyboard prior to installing some software b/c you took it upon yourself to "play a joke on him"
    * Replace your computer chassis (basically swapping hard drives) b/c of your incessant complaints about a "noisy fan" that you attempted to address by OPENING THE CHASSIS
    * Repair a combo drive b/c your "DVD disc" isn't being recognized, only to learn that YOU WEREN'T ISSUED ONE IN THE FIRST PLACE

You can expect to be the guest of honor at a come to Jesus meeting. The part of Jesus will be played by a very special guest star. You won't recognize him, but he will make quite an impression, I promise...
[identity profile] ptstech.livejournal.com
We will not post a copy of the XP CD to the network because you "need to install components."  The components that are missing are missing for a REASON, genius.

Also, stating that "if you have to bring the CD over in order to do this then never mind" probably wasn't the best idea you've had today.  Unless you think I'm brain dead and wouldn't notice that you want the CD without me being around to see what you wanted to do with it.  That was, in fact, breathtakingly stupid.


May. 25th, 2008 02:36 pm
[identity profile] wxgeek.livejournal.com
Found in the history of a customer's account:

$_CALL_CENTER:EGAIN:EMAIL RESPONSE Thank you for contacting $_ISP. My name is $_NAME. and I can help you today. I understand that you are unable to connect to the internet."

[identity profile] moopet.livejournal.com
Customer: *looks blankly at stock*
Assistant: May I help you?
C: Yes.
A: Ok. How may I help you?
C: I'm looking for something.
A: What are you looking for?
C: A dongle.
A: A dongle for what?
C: For my laptop.
A: No, I mean for what purpose?
C: Huh?
A: Do you mean a wifi dongle, a memory stick...
C: WiFi! That's it.
A: *shows customer cheap USB WiFi dongle.
C: That's just what I was looking for, thanks.
A: No problem, is there anything else I can help with?
C: Yes, tell me how many gig this is.
A: Uh. You what?
C: This dongle.
A: I don't quite think you understand.


Feb. 1st, 2008 04:31 pm
[identity profile] wxgeek.livejournal.com
Issue: Cannot access internet, modem is locked because ,
Resolution: Re-enable modem so customer can access.

I wanted so badly to respond to this with "Fixed issue by ,"
[identity profile] wxgeek.livejournal.com

Name: $NAME


Issue: No surf.

Resolution: Customer isn't home to trshoot. advised customer to power-cycle when she gets home, and to call us back when she's near her computer.

why do they do this?
[identity profile] wxgeek.livejournal.com

Name: $NAME

PH#: $PH

Issue: Customer has been getting slow to no speed, and lights have begun appearing on the opposite side of the modem.

Resolution: Rotated modem 180 degrees; lights now appear on the "proper" side of the modem and customer gets full service and good speed; RF score of 12+.
[identity profile] wxgeek.livejournal.com
...I now hate L2.

Request: customer #[number]has so much e-mail in his inbox that he can't delete any of it. I suspect this is because it's trying to move the e-mail to the deleted items folder before it removes it from his inbox. help?
[5:31 PM] [L2]: are you able to delete?
[5:31 PM] [me]: not at all.
[5:31 PM] [me]: nothing.
[5:31 PM] [me]: he's using 102.7mb of his 100mb limit.
[5:31 PM] [me]: and it fails wiiiiiiiiiiiith.......
[5:31 PM] [L2]: awesome
[5:31 PM] [L2]: :-)

[5:31 PM] [me]: oh I know!!!
[5:32 PM] [me]: "There was an error deleting messages from the folder "sent-mail". This is what the server said: UID COPY failed: copy would exceed quota"
[5:32 PM] [L2]: you may have to contact [retarded_3rd_party_mail_service] to help you out
[5:32 PM] [me]: $10 says that 'delete' means 'copy to deleted items and remove from this folder' except it fails at doing that because .... yeah.
[5:32 PM] [me]: aieee.]
[5:32 PM] [L2]: you could try telnetting in and deleting the larger emails
[5:32 PM] [me]: [retarded_3rd_party_mail_service] is scary. :D
[5:32 PM] [L2]: [retarded_3rd_party_mail_service] is incompetent
[5:32 PM] [L2]: :-D
[5:32 PM] [me]: that too.
[5:32 PM] [me]: :)
[5:33 PM] [L2]: have fun storming the castle!


managing e-mail via telnet is retarded.

I've been on hold waiting to speak with [retarded_3rd_party_email_service] for ... *looks at phone* 20+ minutes now.

how did this guy even exceed his quota??? shouldn't sendmail have just bounced his stuff??? (Extra ???s because of the Monster I just finished, as well as frustration.)
[identity profile] wxgeek.livejournal.com
Hi, everyone. I found this community and immediately realized that this is the place where I will be venting.

I'm a Tier 1 Technical Support Representative at an inbound call center, for a national wireless ISP who shall remain nameless (but really, how many of them are there?). Now, we at my ISP use Google Earth, with an overlay that shows our coverage areas and towers. To best orient the customer to our signal, we ask the customer to rotate the modem in the direction of the nearest/best tower. It's pretty simple, really. Where's your house? Okay, do you know which way northeast is? Okay, point the blank side of your modem thataway.

Problem is, lots of people don't know 'north' in their own homes. At one point, I literally had this exchange: "Okay, ma'am; do you know which way north is?" "How the hell am I supposed to know that?!" ...*sigh.* So to help them figure which way is which, we coordinate what we can see on Google Maps with landmarks they know, in the direction the tower is in. So far, so good.

I get a valley girl on the phone. Sweet girl, nice person, but not at all computer literate. So I'm coaching this girl through pointing her wireless modem towards the nearest tower, and I start describing the houses in her area in hopes of pinning down which house was hers. When she realizes I can 'see' the cars in the driveway, and gets real, real quiet, and in complete sincerity and awe, she asks:

"Are you in space?"

I wanted so, so badly to say yes.
[identity profile] ptstech.livejournal.com
Dear Clueless Department Manager,

Yes, I know outgoing faxing from Outlook is not working.  In fact, it was I who told you that.

As I told you, the problem 1) is ongoing, 2) in work with the vendor, 3) has no fix available and no eta for determining one, and 4) has forced us to consider alternatives to our software package.

This means that despite your complaints, your users will have to continue to use the fax machine to actually send faxes out.

Yes, this will involve them getting out of their seats, and walking to the fax machine.  Also, they may be subjected to a bit of a queue.  However, from the looks of them, neither the walk nor the time spent on their feet is likely to be detrimental in any appreciable way.

By the way, you are so full of fail at defining "business-critical function" that you literally have fail leaking from every orifice on your body.  You are, in fact, a veritable fail sponge, filled to overflowing; an absolute cornucopia of fail, stuffed with a bounty of fail.

In other words, you fail.

[identity profile] ptstech.livejournal.com
Cross-posted to TSC:

Note: This comes three weeks into a mail server migration.

To: All Employees
RE: Mail Server Migration

The following notice is intended to clear up some misconceptions that have arisen regarding the mail server migration. At no point will migrating your mailbox from the old server to the new server cause ANY of the following:

01. Loss of archived email.
02. Loss of general connectivity.
03. Hard drive failure.
04. Print job failure.
05. Change in resolution on your monitor.
06. Loss of icon(s) from your desktop.
07. Deletion of files/folders/programs from your PC/laptop.
08. VPN connection failure.
09. Drained laptop batteries.
10. Loss of sound.
11. Longer boot time for desktop/laptop.
12. Freezing of desktop/laptop.
13. Explosive diarrhea.
14. Erections lasting more than four hours.
15. The heartbreak of psoriasis.

Yes, all (except the last three) were REAL complaints...

Vailum, whiskey, or a gun - right about now, I don't much care which...
[identity profile] geekgrrl-ca.livejournal.com
I do mac support, macs have the funky dock with icons on it, it's kind of a quick launch/task bar combo.  running programs have little triangle underneath them.

When I ask the question "How many triangles on your dock" I often expect people to ask what a dock is (they're the same ones that ask what the start button is on windows).  What I don't expect is some one (who happens to have an email address that ends with .edu) to ask me what a triangle is.  WTF....

some one stab me in the ear so i don't hear the stupid anymore


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