ext_130371: (Default)
[identity profile] ravenofdreams.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] techrecovery
I don't know how 'tech' this is, but hey, it's pissing me off, and I'm a tech, so here goes.

We here at Small Computer Store do sell preowned Pear computers. As you might imagine, this is a horrifically popular service.
We have a LIST, a waiting list.
You sign up for the list, and when we get one that meets your specifications, we call you. Nice, right?
Now, the downside to this, as I have explained to more than one complete asshole today - IF YOU ARE NOT ON THE LIST, YOU GET FUCK-ALL. Why?
BECAUSE THERE'S PEOPLE WAITING. ON THE WAITING LIST. FOR MONTHS.

Your computer crashed at 11 o'clock last night? Aww, I can try and fix it.
Aha. You spilled beer on it. Nope, that's not going to be fixable. Very sad.
You'd like to buy a preowned replacement? Yes, certainly. PUT YOUR NAME ON THE LIST. YES. AS I EXPLAINED TO YOU ON THE PHONE WHEN YOU CALLED, JUST TWENTY MINUTES AGO. Why would you think you'd get a more-to-your-taste answer if you came in and whined? This is why we have a list - because lots of people have broken their computer, just as you have. I hate whiners. Everyone hates whiners. Why would that ever help?

Jesusmonkeyfuck, people, how hard is this shit?

Date: 2011-10-14 05:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ravenshrinkery.livejournal.com
That's a dare. More effective, surprisingly possibly, is the following:

Listen, assmunch, I'll make this simple. I've explained how this works. Every time you call, I'm going to roll a die. I'm going to move your name back on the list however many spots the die comes up with.

Being a luser, and us being gamers, they will not realize that we're using anything from a d20 to d100.

Date: 2011-10-14 08:06 pm (UTC)
mephron: (Default)
From: [personal profile] mephron
if only Lou Zocchi had gotten the D300 to work...

Date: 2011-10-14 08:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ravenshrinkery.livejournal.com
Is it bad of me that I thought Nikon? Gods, brain, switch gears...

Date: 2011-10-15 01:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] japester.livejournal.com
No, nothing wrong, they just don't roll in a uniform manner, and you can still assign values to each side which comes up.

Date: 2011-10-14 04:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lights.livejournal.com
"BUT I IS SPESHUL SNO-FLAYKE, MUMMY TOLD ME SO!"

.... :|

Date: 2011-10-14 09:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] boomshesaid.livejournal.com
completely and totally OT, but i am so digging that you have a BW icon :)

Date: 2011-10-14 09:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lights.livejournal.com
Haha, Butch is awesome. ♥

Date: 2011-10-14 09:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] boomshesaid.livejournal.com
yesss, you are totally making me happy right now lool

Date: 2011-10-14 10:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lights.livejournal.com
Rofl, sorry, that's all the Butch iconage I have. :P

Date: 2011-10-14 05:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mouser.livejournal.com
The version I see is "More tickets make me gets more stuff faster!"

Of course, I do have a response template for "Duplicate ticket - closing"

Date: 2011-10-14 08:24 pm (UTC)
mephron: (Default)
From: [personal profile] mephron
When I worked at Citigroup in IT, we had someone call the helpdesk five times on the same issue that my group dealt with.

"Duplicate ticket, closing."
"Duplicate ticket, closing."
"Duplicate ticket, closing."
"Duplicate ticket, closing. Please call user and tell him that multiple tickets does not help as tickets are processed in chronological order."

Then he emailed us.

Date: 2011-10-15 01:42 am (UTC)
jecook: (Default)
From: [personal profile] jecook
Heh.

For the large part, most of the duplicate tickets we see are people double-clicking the 'submit ticket' button on the self-service page, which we find amusing.

Date: 2011-10-15 03:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] the-s-guy.livejournal.com
No joy from saying "We don't have a computer that matches your specifications - would you like to put your name down and we'll call you" when one of the unstated 'specifications' is "called AFTER everyone else before them on the list" ?

Date: 2011-10-15 03:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kizayaen.livejournal.com
I don't know how 'tech' this is, but hey, it's pissing me off, and I'm a tech, so here goes.

Quite sufficiently tech. It is for precisely this manner of rant that we collect.

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